Page 50 of Never Yours

Fear overcomes me. My only hope is that they’ll deem me sane enough to see Ingrid and our baby girl again. Before I can say anything, Pop asks, “When can Ingrid see him?”

“He can see her now. Is she local?”

“I’m sure she’s made a name for herself arguing with every officer between here and our rental car,” Pop laughs. “I’m confident you’ll be able to find her quick enough.”

Seventeen minutes later, Cass and Ingrid enter the room. I stand at the sight of her. Both of their eyes widen—to be fair, this probably wasn’t what they expected to be walking in on.

“I’m not sure why I’m here. Cay is my brother, but let’s be honest, in what world would sibling data be relevant in a report.” Ingrid pinches Cass. “Ouch! What?”

My beautiful and very pregnant Ingrid approaches the doctor. “He’s not my husband. Not sure whether he disclosed that, but he isn’t. That doesn’t mean that he’s not mine.”

The doctor looks between Ingrid and me, and it takes every ounce of me not to pull her onto my lap in front of everyone. I am hers. I always have been.

“What did they tell you before you came in?” Pop asks Cass and Ingrid.

“This doesn’t follow protocol,” the doctor interjects, adjusting her glasses.

“No offense, but since your mental healthcare—and, well, your health system in general—is broken, can I take Cay home and call if we need assistance?” Ingrid’s tone is full of anger she’s trying to contain. But her fighting for this has me at a crossroads between being even more in love with her and staying to get help. I can’t risk accidentally harming her if I have another episode. “I’m just a civilian, but the man I love is hurting, and I think he just needs a night with his family.”

The doctor sees exactly what Ingrid is up to and isn’t convinced. Pop adds, “Commander Rogers is experiencing what appears to be a PTSD response to a plane that shook the building. He’s not a current threat to himself, Ingrid, or their child. As soon as we get him home, we’ll ensure he sees appropriate medical and military personnel prior to his six months of shore duty.”

Giving her personal contact information and reminding Ingrid of the emergency services numbers, the doctor reluctantly releases me. After my episode, I’m genuinely surprised, especially when we’re out of earshot and Ingrid tells me, “You’re not broken, Cay. We’re going to figure this out.”

“What did they tell you?”

“It doesn’t matter.”

I swallow hard. “And what about you and me?”

“We need to start over, like you said. But that doesn’t mean I love you any less. We’re going to get you whatever help you need, together.”

ingrid

. . .

Caleb and I step into the hotel room, unsure of how the other is about to respond. I set my bag down on the small table and he offers, “I’ll take the couch.”

“Cay…”

“No, it’s okay. I want you and the baby to feel safe. I can’t do that if we stay the night together.”

It’s only five-thirty. I’m not remotely tired… Well, that’s a lie. I’m always tired. But I couldn’t sleep no matter how much I might want to. I take Caleb’s hand and drag him into the other room. “Lay down.” Cay does as I ask, and I lay on the bed next to him. “See, everyone is okay.”

I wrap my arms around him and take a deep breath. His eyes shut tightly, and so does his hold on me. “Until I hurt you.”

I lift my leg to pull his between mine, keeping us a little pretzel. “You’d never hurt me, or our baby, Cay.”

Nuzzling into his chest, he sighs against me, muttering phrases like, “I don’t deserve you,” and “You’re too good for me.” I ignore all of it, refusing to give in to the lies.

After several minutes, I’ve had enough. “Cay, stop, please.”

“What if it happens again? I could’ve hurt you today.”

“Look at me.” I drag his gaze to me. “You never hurt me, or our baby. I know you love us” He kisses my neck, then drags his lips back to mine. “We’ll start over the moment we’re home. We’ll talk about all the hard things. Right now, it’s just you and me, okay?”

“Can I touch you?” My heart breaks in two at his question. Pain must be marring my face because he quickly adds, “I didn’t mean it like that.”

“That’s not why I’m here. I missed you, but… I’m huge, Cay.” My hormones have gone haywire these past few weeks, but there’s absolutely no way I’ll admit to him that I touch myself every night to relieve the ache.

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