Page 18 of Never Yours

“You can’t keep grinding on me like that, or I’ll come.”

I’m still in a daze, hardly processing his words when mine tumble from my lips, “Good.”

Caleb brushes a few mussed locks away before pressing a soft kiss to my forehead. “As much as I want to, I'm bare. Do you have any condoms?”

“In some random box I packed,” I grumble, kicking myself for not having a few loose ones in my purse. After what happened last time, we should be careful. As he pulls his cock out, I feel empty—not just physically. “Cay…”

“We’re even.” Rolling to the side, he fluffs the pillow and lays facing me. There isn’t an ounce of regret in his features, he actually appears… happy? “We need to leave in a bit, mind if I take a quick shower?”

“Oh, sure, go ahead.” I wave him off, still coming down from my high.

His boyish grin widens. “Let me rephrase that. Come take a quick shower with me.”

Caleb slinks off the bed, removes his boxer briefs the rest of the way, and grips the nape of his shirt, pulling it over his head. Embarrassment washes over me as I ogle this Adonis standing before me.

Was it ‘ab day’ every day at the gym, or something? Nope, it was also ‘arm day’… and ‘leg day’…

“Ingrid.” My eyes snap away from appreciating his perfectly sculpted body to meet his gaze.

I blink twice. Shit! He caught me checking him out. Despite still wearing a shirt, I self-consciously grasp the comforter to hide my significantly softer body, and pull it up to my chin. “Enjoy your shower.”

With a devilish smirk, he grips the comforter and tugs it off me. “We are going to enjoy a shower.”

“Nope,” I insist, popping the ‘p,’ and scrambling to find my underwear, only to find them shredded on the ground. “I’ll take one later.”

In a swift motion, he grabs my ankles and pulls me until my ass is hanging off the bed, making me squeal. Leaning in, bracing himself with his hands on either side of me, he chuckles darkly, “That’s the last time you hide your beautiful body from me, understood?” He traces the mark on my neck, and my breath catches. “No faking, no hiding.”

“I think that’s more than three rules.” Lifting off the bed, he offers his hand, but I don’t take it. Instead, not tearing my eyes away from his, I pull my shirt off and toss it to the ground. Admittedly, I’m a bit disappointed there was no ‘good fucking girl’ to accompany it, but I’m quickly distracted by his hand falling to his cock that is still hard, begging to be touched, licked, sucked…

“Don’t get any ideas, Ingrid.” Caleb tilts my chin, forcing my gaze up. “Shower, then brunch.”

I stand, acutely aware of our size difference; it’s a stark contrast to when we were younger, he didn’t have muscles on top of muscles. Playfully, I narrow my eyes, and he mirrors me, though he’s unable to hide his adorable boyish grin. Before I can get a word out, he bends and lifts me up and over his shoulder, stalking off to the bathroom.

“Cay! Put me down! You’re going to throw your back out, and the Navy will arrest me for putting an officer on bedrest.”

When we reach the shower, he slides me down his body until my feet hit the floor but keeps me flush against him. “I never told you I was an officer.”

“I may or may not have internet stalked you yesterday.” Reaching around him, I turn on the shower. “If I take a shower with you”—I bite my lip and sigh—“we won’t be going to brunch.”

“We’re doing both.” Caleb walks me backward into the shower, the scalding hot water pouring down on us. He sucks in a breath, then mutters, “Fuck, that’s hot.” I turn the knob, keeping the water warm enough to steam around us, but not enough to burn.

I’m sure I look like a drowned rat. It doesn’t stop him from taking my face in my hands and kissing me roughly.

All of this feels like a dream. Maybe when I was in Martin’s office, I dissociated a little too hard? I can only hope that I don’t wake up from whatever this is. It’s going to hurt like hell when Caleb leaves, but I want to savor every last moment I have with him. I deserve to have him break my heart, especially after everything that happened.

We never had sweet moments like this when we were younger; I was too scared of losing Cass and Cay. It was foolish to consider ‘what ifs’ when he was leaving for the Navy out of high school, and I was off to college. In a few weeks, he’ll be gone again, but I selfishly want to pretend he’s not. There’s no harm in kissing this beautiful, amazing man every chance I get… right?

The water beats down on both of us, and I can’t get close enough. For years, I survived without him and Cass, avoiding coming home for Christmas and summer breaks. The moment my parents moved away from here, I had the perfect excuse to never return.

My career took off right after college, earning me a seat at the table of one of the biggest shows on the network. Within a few years, I moved up the ranks, but if I’m being honest with myself, I’d throw it all away if it meant I could start all over with Cay.

Jokes on me; that’s exactly what I’m doing. I walked away from years of late nights and friendships pushed to the back burner. I don’t know if I’ll ever write again. Right now, in this moment, I honestly couldn’t care less. I allow the water to wash away any regrets I’m holding onto, and let the most incredible man I’ve ever known to kiss me.

But guilt gets the best of me, and it’ll only get harder to tell him the truth later. “Cay, I have to tell you something.” I take his face in my hands and tear my lips away. “I understand if you never want to speak to me again after what I’m about to say but… that night, I didn’t just lose my virginity.” He waits patiently while I try to get it out, covering my hands and kissing my palms. “A month after you left, I was rushed by my parents to the doctors, because I was in severe pain and couldn’t stop bleeding.”

“Fuck, are you ok? What happened? Why didn’t you tell me? Did Cass know?”

I silence his questions with my finger to his lips, but his eyes are still so full of worry. Tears I held back for years threaten to fall, but I hold them back. “No one knew, just my parents. Fuck, this is so hard to get out.” I shut my eyes tightly, not wanting to see his reaction. “I lost our baby, Cay.” I feel him step back so I open my eyes, pain etched on each and every one of his features. “I missed one period. I thought it was stress. I didn’t know until it was too late. I’m so?—”

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