Page 8 of Firefly Effect

Sighing, I make my way up the steps and turn over my wrist to glance at my watch. Eight-thirty. I’m too late for bedtime. There’s an ache in my chest as I turn the doorknob and twist to push it open.

Francine is sitting in a chair in the great room near the front window, my sleeping daughter in her arms. They’ve probably been there for a while, waiting for me to come home.

“Shhh,” Francine warns quietly as I walk toward her.

Every ounce of stress from the past week melts away at the sight of Lucy. Instinct takes over as I reach out to hold her. Lucy moves steadily from her grandmother’s arms to mine without waking up, and just like that, my little girl pulls my immediate focus. With her, I’m centered, alert, and present in all the best ways. Nothing else matters.

It’s just like how it felt the first day I got to hold her. Nothing had ever made me feel so complete. My life finally had purpose, and maybe, just maybe, I did one small, good deed in the world to deserve it.

I take in the sight of my almost-four-year-old. Her blonde hair is a nest of tangled ringlets, her mouth hangs open as she sleeps, and she wears her favorite pink Barbie pajama set.

“Hi, sweet girl,” I whisper, bringing my nose to her tanned cheek. Clearly, she’ll only continue to get more adorable by the second. “Daddy missed you today.”

“She missed you, too, Lincoln,” Francine says gently.

As grateful as I am that Lucy’s grandmother agreed to move to Bryson City with us, her presence in our lives doesn’t alleviate the guilt that consumes me knowing that I can never bring Lucy’s mother, Francine’s daughter, back. It’s just Lucy and me—and Francine, for as long as she decides to stick around.

My chest aches. “I should have been here to put her to bed.”

Francine tilts her head, looking sympathetic. “It’s one night. Don’t beat yourself up. Lucy is lucky to have a father who cares so deeply. You have a great job in a small, beautiful city, and you found the perfect rental with more than enough room for all of us.”

“I know.” The words come out with a sigh. No matter what I do, it never feels like enough. I can’t steal back lost time. Unfortunately, I’ve had to learn that lesson the hardest way possible.

Between getting the offer to work at Calm Waters, moving Lucy and me out of our old house, and Francine from her townhome in Durham, to then settling into my new office here, I haven’t had a chance to stop and breathe. That all changes now.

“Speaking of this rental,” I tell Francine, more than ready to change the subject, “I have a few more loose ends to tie up with my landlord, then we can focus on settling in.” I know I’m not the only one sick of living amongst stacks of boxes.

Francine nods. “Good. And how’s work going? You winning ’em over with each consultation?”

It’s hard not to smile at Francine’s faithful words. She knows the pride I put into my work and how I feel about the people I get to help. Just knowing I have someone on my side, believing in me and supporting me through so much change, is something to marvel over.

“Ah, I don’t know.” I shrug. “Time will tell, I guess.”

I rock Lucy for a few more minutes before walking her to the only decorated room in the house. After laying her down in her bed, I sit on the floor beside her and adjust the blue-and-pink blankets that match the painted closet door.

My heart melts just looking at her. Loving Lucy has been the easiest thing in the world compared to the shit I’ve been through in my life. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for her. Not a single thing. The proof of that is in the fact that I’m here right now, in the one town I swore I would never return to.

My phone lets out a loud ding, and I quickly mute it before checking to make sure Lucy is still fast asleep. She is, of course—when my girl is out for the night, she’s out for exactly twelve hours like clockwork.

I look back down at the screen to find a message from my landlord.

Patrick: Still swinging by tonight?

Fuck. The curse word rings loudly in my head. I pick myself off the floor and step out of Lucy’s room. Leaving the door open just a crack, I walk back into the kitchen.

“Have you eaten?” Francine asks as soon as she sees me. She knows me so well.

“Not in a while, but I forgot I need to run back to Main Street. The landlord has some stuff for us—extra keys for the house and shed in the back, and an extra garage door opener for you. I guess he’s leaving town for a couple of months, so tonight is my last chance to grab it.”

Francine narrows her eyes and gestures for me to sit down. “Eat first. I made lasagna.”

As much as I want to get this final meeting with my landlord over with, I can’t deny Francine or my rumbling stomach. I shoot Patrick a quick response.

Lincoln: Be there soon.

After shoveling down my food, I head back into the night, feeling comforted by the knowledge that this trip will take no time at all. Soon, I’ll be home and in bed, ready for the full night’s sleep I desperately need.

The green-and-blue neon sign reads Firefly when I pass the bar to find a place to park. The last time I parked near this place, I was getting pulled over. That asshole cop, Officer Gabe, cited me for speeding, saying I was doing thirty in a fifteen. He wasn’t wrong, but I hadn’t seen any speed limit signs. I profusely apologized, but it didn’t matter. The guy had something to prove and an ego to inflate.

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