Page 70 of Stay

His expression softens because he knows we’re no longer talking about my sexual limits. “Didn’t used to be that way.”

“I know.” Before I had boundaries and barriers and a lot of red tape around my heart. “I’m not the same person anymore.”

A smile slowly spreads across his face. “I love you more now than I did then.”

His confession rolls off his tongue so easily, it makes my heart trip. “You… love me?”

Cole slides his arms under me and lifts me up. Carrying me to my bathroom, he cocks his brow. “Is that going to be a problem, Angel?”

“Only if you plan on stopping.”

“Haley, I haven’t stopped loving you since the day you walked into my life.”

Chapter 22

Cole

It’s been three days since I left Haley’s apartment. I can’t stop thinking about her. After telling her I love her, we took a hot shower together and crashed for the night.

She didn’t say I love you back.

But honestly, she doesn’t have to. Her actions speak louder than words. Haley turned her world upside down and crawled her way back to me. Everything she’s been through, all the shit she’s put up with, it made her a tough girl growing up and forged her into the incredible woman she is now.

I’m a lucky motherfucker.

Too bad I’m also fucked in the head about it.

Ever since I was a kid, I’ve had this irrational fear of all the good things in my life getting taken away. As if bragging about a good grade will cause me to fail the next test. Having pride in myself will force the hands of fate to rip the rug out from under me and destroy my career.

Hell, I remember when I was really little, I was afraid that if I liked the color of my eyes too much, I’d go blind and never be able to see again. Yeah, like I already said, it’s irrational.

Doesn’t make it any less terrifying, though.

This fear makes me hold back in some things.

Even when I fell in love with Haley, I held my breath and didn’t say a word about it back then. The possibility of the universe looking down at me and saying, “Hey, this dumb fuck is insanely happy and in love. Let’s destroy it for him and knock his ass down a few pegs,” was a recurring nightmare for months.

Ironic that I didn’t have to profess my love to her for me to still get my heart shattered, right?

To this day, I have no clue why I’m always waiting for the other shoe to drop. It’s not like I have some unresolved past trauma that’s made me this way. My life is great. I can roll with the punches. I make adjustments as needed and don’t let things keep me down.

But in my darkest hours, I’ll admit I’m fake. I pretend to be okay even when I’m not. I act better than I feel. I’ve protected myself, my peace, my heart, and my pride by holding back who I really am and what I want out of this life. I put up with shit I shouldn’t have to.

I put up with people I don’t like. My boss.

I’ve let people slip through my fingers. Haley.

I keep my head down and work hard, so I don’t have to sit alone in my condo, wondering what I’m doing with my life and fearing I’ll forever be alone. Like my brother, Reid.

And even though everything is going great right now, I can’t shake the terror of knowing there’s a possibility of something, or someone, wrecking it all.

It makes me overly protective.

And seriously paranoid.

Haley and I have rebuilt our relationship so fast, it might be what gets hit first. I don’t think she’d ghost me again, but what if her parents come back and derail her hard work?

What if she falls out of love with me?

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