Page 43 of Stay

That Christmas, I gave him a present to change my feelings about my place in his life. I wore a bracelet and told him I’d be his fucktoy for two solid weeks. When the bracelet came off, the fantasy was over. It was the best two weeks of my life.

I didn’t feel like garbage. I didn’t feel used.

I felt wanted. Needed.

From the moment I met Cole, until the day before I left him, was the happiest, greatest time of my entire existence. Does he know how much he means to me now? The words, I love you, perch on the tip of my tongue. I open my mouth to say it, but it doesn’t feel good enough.

Love is too weak for what I feel for this man.

What even is love anyway? I don’t know. With my parents, love was an obligation. They’re my mom and dad, of course I’m supposed to love them. It didn’t matter how they treated me. I’d make excuse after excuse for them until I couldn’t take it anymore. Then I ran and cut all connections.

If love is what I run away from, then yeah, maybe I do know love. I ran away from Cole once, too, didn’t I?

Maybe. Yes. Hell, I don’t know.

What I feel for Cole can’t be only love. It’s too strong, too alive, too endless to be that simple. He’s not an obligation. He’s not a fantasy.

He’s home.

Cole is the familiar, comfortable, wonderful safety I’ve needed my entire life. He’s fun and smart and sweet and generous. He doesn’t look down on me or treat me like shit if I do something that disappoints him. He’s the goal I’ve worked towards for the better part of five years. I didn’t run away from Cole; I ran away from the girl I was, so I could find the woman who deserved a man like Cole.

I needed to fight, to heal, to grow.

Cole glances at the notes taped all over the bookshelf. “I knew it hadn’t been easy for you.” He gulps. “But I didn’t realize how bad it truly was, Haley.”

Now he does.

Cole cups my face, running his thumb along my cheek. I hear what he’s not saying. Cole would have helped me through my bad times if I’d let him. He would have supported me however I needed it. He would have done a lot for us both, if only I hadn’t run away. What he might not realize is that he helped me break out of my shell all those years ago. He showed me it’s okay to want things that may look out of my reach. He gave me hope that I’m not as awful as my parents made me feel all the time.

His gaze locks on mine, making my heart gallop. “You’ve crawled through Hell, haven’t you, Angel?”

“I still am.” Dropping to my knees, I hope he understands how much I need him. “Only now, I like it.” I’ll happily crawl through Hell if Cole’s my final destination.

“God dayem.”

The threads of tension binding us start snapping, one by one. I look up at him with my brow arched and a smile on my face. Cole slowly backs up, each step he takes is another tension line snapping free until the air between us is light and exciting again. His back eventually hits the bay window and he crooks his finger, beckoning me to him.

I don’t need a bracelet, collar, or a leash to bring me to my knees for this man.

It’s not only a pleasure, but a motherfucking honor.

With my eyes locked on his, I crawl towards him and kneel at his feet. “What do you want?”

Chapter 14

Cole

“What do you want?” she asks me.

What a loaded motherfucking question. I want everything.

I want to rip my hoodie off her sweet body, fuck her until she passes out, and then keep fucking her until my cum drips from between her sweet, thick thighs and then I want to spank her ass until she can’t sit. I want to make her crawl on the floor while she begs for me to let her suck my cock. I want to fuck her tits.

I want to pick her up and hold her until she molds against my body and we become inseparable. I want to tell her I’m proud of the work she’s done and what she’s still doing for herself. I want to hunt her parents down and beat the shit out of them for fucking my girl’s head up so much. I want to hug the librarians who gave her a sanctuary. I want to turn back time and give my girl a better life than the one she’s lived so far.

I want to love her until the day I die.

I want to worship her. Spoil her. Protect her.

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