Page 5 of Pucks and Coffee

He nods, and I know he doesn’t like that. “You’ve apologized?”

“Many times. Truly, Coach, I’m good.” I try to convince him. I sit up, taking another pull of my drink. “I fucked up. I made this bed, and now I’m cuddling in it as I attempt to mend things with my teammates.”

“It’s been over a year,” he mentions with a grimace, and I nod.

“It has. And listen, no one has threatened to kick my ass in months, so I feel I’m making headway.”

I can tell that doesn’t please him one bit, and I feel bad about that. I don’t know why he likes me so much, but he does. I think that’s why I started to clean up the error of my ways. I was drinking a lot and doing dumb shit. I know that, and I own it. At the end of the day, I’m not the bastard I was six months ago. I want to be better. Not only for a shot at the NHL, but for myself. I don’t want to be my mom, and I sure as hell don’t want to disappoint Coach any more than I already have.

“Maybe I’ll throw a party, have everyone over and try to help bring some more camaraderie to the team.”

“I’ll be there,” I promise as I stretch, reaching for my toes. “Hell, I may have myself a wife by then if I can find a chick dumb enough to tie herself to me.”

Coach’s brows knit tightly. “What?”

“Yeah, El suggested I get a wife to fix my image since it’s battered like a goalie’s leg pads.”

“You’re kidding,” he says with a laugh, and I shake my head.

“Nope. I wish I was. She even said to knock the girl up, which isn’t going to happen, no matter how bad I want the NHL. I don’t want kids.”

Not with how I was raised, and especially since I know no woman would want me for long. I’m not a long-term kind of guy. I’m a right here, right now, get-you-off kind. I’m okay with that. Or I was.

Now, it’s different. Now, I need to become the kind of guy that would appeal to a long-term kind of girl. Though, I’m unsure how I’m supposed to do that. I don’t think there is even one woman who likes me right now, and I need to convince one to marry me?

Doubtful.

“Wow, and you’re considering it?”

I hold his gaze. “Wouldn’t you?”

He shrugs at that, visibly thinking it over. “I would,” he says after a moment, and I nod.

“I don’t really have a choice. I need to change something to change my future.”

Coach holds my gaze, and I know he probably has a lot to say but he’s refraining for some reason. “Good luck.”

I laugh. “That’s all?”

He grins at me, the crinkles in the corners of his eyes giving away his age. “Yup, that’s it, because you’ll need all the luck in the world to pull this off. You’ve got the talent, but I don’t know if there is a woman out there strong enough to deal with your bullshit.”

He isn’t wrong. “Aw, Coach, I love when you don’t hold back.”

Coach chuckles, shaking his head. “I haven’t ever, have I? I’ve always been honest with you, and as much as I want this to be successful for you, I need you to realize that it’s gonna take work.”

“I know.”

“No, I mean off the ice. A wife isn’t just a glorified girlfriend. A wife is a commitment, a vow. If she’s going to do this for you, you better be ready to do anything for her.”

I swallow. I get what he’s saying, but the fear that settles in my gut isn’t anything to bat an eye at. The feeling is foreign to me. I’ve never feared anything. I always go in headfirst and hope for the best. Coach’s eyes are dark, knowing, and not helping one bit with the fear that is threatening to suffocate me. Quietly, even though no one else is here, I say, “I don’t want a wife, Coach.”

He nods, his eyes full of understanding. He knows my story; he knows my views on marriage. Coach has been married, and when she left him for his brother, he was devastated. I watched my dad get cheated on left and right. I’ve never wanted to put myself out there, allow someone to break me like that. But that won’t be possible with this situation. For my future wife to hurt me, I’d have to fall for her, and that won’t happen. She’s just a means to an end, and I have to make sure she knows that going in.

Coach grasps my shoulder in the palm of his glove, pulling me from my thoughts as he holds my gaze. “I know. But the end goal is in sight, and I know you can make it.”

I know I can make it to the NHL, too. I can feel it. Though, I can’t help but wonder…at what cost?

CHAPTER 4

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