Page 20 of Pucks and Coffee

And I don’t know why.

His words are nothing to me; they’re not even directed at me. They’re his truth, but they sting. I’ve spent the last couple days fully avoiding him and thinking about his proposition.

Usually, I’d confide in my sisters, mainly Louisa, but I couldn’t with this one. I know she’d say it’s a bad idea, and I worry it’ll trigger her trauma from our youth. Where we were just the property of men, not valued or respected. I’m basically giving up a year of my life to a man who doesn’t even care for me. Yes, it’d be my choice, and I’d get an established business out of it, but I’d still be allowing a man to own me.

Only, it doesn’t feel like that.

I don’t know how to describe it, but I know he wouldn’t disrespect me like I’ve been in the past. I trust him and believe in him. It’d be easy to be married to him. Or maybe I’m just thinking that since I’m over being on the dating scene. I’ve been performing the same song and dance for the last couple years. No one has been good enough for a relationship. Only quick sex, where I was never satisfied.

I’m tired. I’m sick of putting myself out there and not finding a partner. I know the right one is worth waiting for, but the thought of having an instant companion is mighty appealing. Especially when you add in that I’ll have my own business when it’s over.

The only thing holding me back is the fact that I know I’ll develop feelings for him.

And then I’ll be broken.

But I’ll be broken with a business, so really, I’d be dumb to say no. I just need to know a few things before I commit.

“You can go.” I feel his gaze on me, and when he doesn’t move to steer the car out of his parking spot, I look over at him. “I’m ready.”

He presses his lips together, almost like he’s trying to keep in whatever he wants to say. Then Coleson looks away and puts the car in drive. The tension around us is heavy as he drives, but I’m too lost in my thoughts to ease it. I know I don’t have to ease anything, but I’ve always wanted to make things smoother for everyone. I don’t like awkward, and I don’t like silence. I lick my lips as my nerves eat me alive. “How many bedrooms does your place have?”

“It’s a studio. The only enclosed space is the bathroom.”

Well. Okay. “So, we’d share a bed?”

“That, or I can sleep on the couch. Whatever makes you more comfortable,” he says, his eyes on the road. His jaw is taut, and I can see the veins in his thick neck. He may be worried about my comfort, but it’s obvious he’s very uncomfortable right now.

I press my lips together as I think that over. I look out the window, my mind whirling as an oldies station plays. I’m not listening, though, too lost in my own thoughts. When he starts to quietly sing along, his voice distracts me. It’s such a low tenor, rumbly and thick. Sexy. I lean back, relaxing as I listen to him. The ride is long, and neither of us fills the silence. He only sings and I listen.

I wish I had called Louisa—or any of my sisters, really. As much as I don’t want it, I need someone’s guidance here. Wait. No. I don’t. If I do this, it would be just for Coleson and me. This is something I have to decide on, and I have to trust that I can make this decision on my own. I’m a grown woman who has survived and escaped a cult. I can do anything, really. When the truck comes to a stop, I look up to see a sign pointing to a trail. I swallow nervously.

Well, here we go.

Coleson shuts off the SUV, and I throw the door open. Before I can get out, though, he says, “Wait for me.”

“I can get out on my own.”

He’s out of the SUV before I can even finish my sentence. As he walks around the front of the vehicle, he sets me with a look that tells me if I move, I’ll piss him off. I’d rather not do that, so I wait until he comes to me, holding out his hand. “Can’t kick me with your little legs if you break them getting out of my truck.”

I flash him a serious look. “I am not fragile, thank you.”

“I disagree.” Before I can argue with that, he shuts the door behind me, locking it, and then tucking his keys into his pocket. “Ready?”

“Not really, but let’s go.”

He smirks at me as he puts on the backpack I hadn’t realized he had. “Let me know if you get thirsty. I’ve got waters in my bag.”

I take a long pull of my lotus tea and nod. “Cool, thanks.”

We start off in silence as the scent of the forest tickles my nose. A layer of morning dew is spread all over the quiet woods. When the sun catches the leaves, they sparkle with natural elegance. The birds sing, and I can hear other woodland animals scurrying through the forest. It’s a gorgeous morning in incredible surroundings, and I find myself at peace out here. Something I hadn’t expected. I thought I’d be scared, nervous, but I feel…good. Safe. I glance over at Coleson, and I hate how tense his jaw and shoulders are. I know the reason I feel safe is because of him. If a bear came for me, he’d protect me.

“What are you thinking?”

He meets my gaze, and I feel my face burn at being caught, staring at him. I recover quickly. “I like it out here. I just hope the bears are busy eating or sleeping.”

His face breaks into a grin, his dimples flashing. “I won’t let them get you,” he promises once more, and I feel safe, I do, but I am still looking around cautiously. I’d rather not get eaten by a bear, especially since stupid shit seems to happen to my family. We were in a cult, and my sister got hit by a truck. Like, come on. I’m bound for a bear to take me out. “I meant about what I’m asking.”

I glance over at him, and then I realize my mistake. “Oh,” I say, my cheeks burning. “Um, I’m not sure.”

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