Page 65 of The Guy in the Alley

During that week, I felt myself take a step back. My feelings were terrifying me, and Ben was busy settling into new routines. He was too stubborn to let me lend him money, so he insisted on working extra. When he wasn’t at his actual job, he helped out around the bar, he got started on his “reclaimed wood” bartop for me, and he assisted with soup kitchen preparations. Only then was he comfortable eating the food in my fridge.

When he wasn’t busy working, he was with his son and mother.

He came home one day visibly relieved because his ma was in higher spirits now that he had a full-time job he seemed happy with, not to mention living arrangements that didn’t worry her half to death. She was seemingly impressed by Ben’s new address in the city, mostly because she hated the idea of him living in a garden unit or basement somewhere that flooded.

Given that she was an Elmwood Park resident, I could understand her concerns. I didn’t know what that suburb was most famous for, Johnnie’s Beef or the frequent flooding in the area.

Either way, Ben’s ma was happy, and Alvin was now gonna go to therapy once a week instead of two or three times a month.

I had to admit, I was curious about Ben’s family. As always, he was a man of few words, and he didn’t share a whole lot. But I could just be impatient, because he dropped some minor details here and there. Like their whole situation out there and how Ben wanted them to move to a better place where his mother wasn’t forced to sleep on the couch in the front room. Or that it was Alvin’s anxiety and panic attacks that prevented them from leaving.

I was becoming familiar with an ounce of that anxiety, though it was more related to Ben leaving, and I didn’t know why. He’d settled in fine upstairs. He was weirdly neat when it came to laundry and actual cleaning. Like, he could make a mess and leave his clothes on the floor just like I did, but he’d probably used the vacuum more than I had in the years I’d lived here, and the bathroom had never been so spotless. He’d even cleared the shower glass of most of the limescale buildup.

In other words, he showed no signs of making other arrangements anytime soon, and yet I walked around on eggshells as if I’d wake up tomorrow to find him gone.

I was fucking pathetic.

If this was what it was like to develop deeper feelings for someone, it was garbage.

Besides, he didn’t give me anything to look at anymore. He closed the door to the bathroom when he showered, and he went to bed—right fucking next to me—in boxer briefs and a tee.

That was probably the worst torture. Sleeping next to him every night without any touching. He stayed so close to the edge that it seemed deliberate. He was serious about us being friends.

At the same time, I couldn’t even call him a cocktease, ’cause look at where he was in life. The last thing on his mind should be me. He’d finally achieved a sustainable stability where he could move forward and build a future for his son. If anything, his focus and dedication only made him all the more appealing to me, and wasn’t that just a bitch.

* * *

On Friday, I took a few hours off once Petey arrived, because he offered his car when it was time for the weekly grocery run for the soup kitchen. I had a pocket filled with coupons, apps overflowing with deals, and screenshots of weekly ads stacked with promotions.

Some played games on their phones when they were on the shitter…

I started with the Costco on Ashland, and color me surprised when I spotted Ben right outside finishing up a hot dog. He wasn’t alone either. An older man wearing the same utility clothes stood next to Ben with his own food.

Ben smiled in surprise when he saw me, so I didn’t feel the need to avoid him. I mean, I didn’t wanna interrupt him in the middle of his lunch. I guessed he was fine with borrowing money from his ma and cousin, but God forbid he let me help him till he got his first paycheck.

“Hey,” he said. “You shopping for the soup kitchen?”

“Yeah. You’re on your lunch, I take it.”

He nodded, crammed the last of his hot dog into his mouth, and gestured to his coworker. “Gio bribed me so he can go home early. He says I don’t need a babysitter anymore.”

I smirked a little.

Gio shrugged. “I’d rather nap on my couch than watch him get us all fired.”

Huh?

Ben snorted and elaborated. “He got on my case yesterday for not calling in professionals for something I could fix on my own.”

“It’s in the damn job description,” Gio bitched, though there was no actual heat to it. “Maintenance and basic repairs.”

“Fixing a radiator is basic,” Ben argued.

Gio eyed me and jerked his thumb at Ben. “You see what I gotta deal with? Management’s gonna notice, and he’ll make the rest of us look bad.”

I shook my head in amusement.

So I guessed Ben was going to be popular with his manager for not racking up invoices from outsourced professionals, but maybe he wouldn’t make many friends at work.

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