Page 6 of Jasper

Starting the truck, I put it in gear and spin the tires as I leave. Hopefully, I left tire tracks on the drive. Regardless, it made me feel better. Cranking the radio up as a hard rock song starts playing, I drum my thumb on the steering wheel, letting the bass and drums flow through my body. As I come to a stop at a red light, I reach over, grabbing a cigarette from the pack I keep for emergencies, such as this one. It's been years since I smoked regularly, and these motherfuckers taste awful, but I need something to calm down the pounding in my blood. The drag I take has that effect, and for the first time since I drove in the direction of my grandfather's house this morning, I feel calm.

Not at peace - I'm not sure I'll ever feel that way again, but I'm at least calm.

The light turns green, and as I head to the job site on the highway, I hope like fuck this turns out to be a better day than how it started.

I'm at the work site in less than thirty minutes, where I pull up and park next to Weston. He's layering up since it's cold today. He's stepping into a pair of coveralls. When I get out and stand next to him, I grab my own pair of coveralls and start stepping into them. Although he’s been my friend since I was little, I know he’s not going to give me a pass on the wedding.

"I still can't believe you got married." His breath comes out in puffs of white smoke. "It's one of the most surprising things that's ever happened to us as a friend group."

I shrug, as if I don't care. "There are important things in life. I realized pretty quickly that if they mean something to you, you'll do anything to make them work. The Hamilton Foundation is the most important thing to me, because it's the legacy of my parents. It's the only thing I have to hang onto. If that's gone, what the fuck else do I have to live for?"

Weston glances over at me, his light eyes bright. "You have us, Jasper. We may not keep your bed warm at night, but our friend group cares about you, for you. We've never cared about the money your grandaddy has, or what he could give us. Although he liked to pretend we did. Don't you know we'd all go to war for you? You're never going to be alone."

I know that, I really do, but I need more. I have to know I've fought. That I've not let him win the grand scheme of things. "Whether I'm alone or not, it doesn't matter. What I refuse is to allow him to take that pride away from me. Refuse."

Weston gives me a sad smile. "I won't pretend to understand, because I don't, but if you ever need to talk, know that I'm here."

"I do know that. Right now, it just isn't about me talking. It's about me trying to understand why the one person who was supposed to love me gets off on doing this type of shit." It's not often I let those thoughts out into the ether.

Weston doesn't say anything else. Instead, he claps his hand on my shoulder. "C'mon, let's get to work. Blow off some of that annoyance by breaking up asphalt."

We're patching up roads that have been beaten up for the last few weeks, before this next weather system comes in, and we'll have to clear out as many potholes as we can. Digging out the loose materials is my favorite thing. It's hard, it's strenuous, and I always sleep well on nights after we perform this duty. I'm ready to do some mindless work. Forget about all the other bullshit that in the end won't even matter.

CHAPTER FIVE

Daisy

"Miss Daisy, can we go outside?"

I close my eyes and count to five as I try to deal with the controlled chaos in my classroom. I love children, enjoy the age I teach at the daycare, but we're in our second week of no sunshine and cold wind. We're all going stir-crazy. "I'm sorry, Penny. You can't go out; it's supposed to rain today, and it's so cold."

Her hopeful face falls, and I'm afraid a tantrum is next. "We haven't been able to go outside for dayyssss." She drags the word, bottom lip sticking out.

"I know." I crouch down so that we can look eye-to-eye with one another. Grabbing her hand with mine, I hope she realizes how sorry I am that we can't go outside. "I'm sick of it, too, but if you get cold, you may get sick, and that's no good, right?"

Her dark eyes are wide and sad. She appears heartbroken. "I guess so."

"We'll play a game in a few minutes, okay? Let me make sure everyone's got everything they need for afternoon snack, and get that eaten. After that, we'll snack and have fun, okay?"

Penny sighs. "Alright, Miss Daisy. Thank you."

She's so polite it's hard to be annoyed. My co-teacher, Annabelle, comes over, a wry grin covering her face. "Four is a hard age. They don't get it. And winter is the worst. Once spring hits, we'll be able to go outside more and there won't be so much inside work."

I inhale deeply, nodding. This is my first year as a teacher at Little Tikes, and I wasn't quite prepared for the long winter. Spring should be here soon, thank God. "She breaks my heart, every time she comes over here with that bottom lip out and those eyes huge. It's like she knows exactly how to get to me."

"There's always one in every class. They hit just a little harder than the rest of them. You'll be able to deal with it the more hardened you get as a teacher," she assures. "Right now, you don't want to disappoint them; you're still new and you haven't had to be stern. Eventually you'll get to the point where you just accept that sometimes you have to do things that are best for them, and you can ignore their cute little faces and puppy dog eyes."

"I don't think I'll ever get there," I whisper, grimacing.

"You will." She pats me on the arm. "Eventually you'll realize these little things are energy vampires, and you'll have to do it for self-preservation. So, I haven't wanted to be nosy, but here I am. How is married life treating you? I saw Weston the other day, and he mentioned that you and Jasper had indeed done the deed. All of us are amazed because the last time you two talked in college, I think I remember you cursing him with stepping on a Lego and falling, hoping that he'd hit his head so hard he'd have amnesia. Or something to that effect."

My face heats up with embarrassment. I can't seem to remember the fact that we got into a public disagreement in college, and everyone knows about it. Even my grandmother who has lived in an assisted living home since I was fifteen knew about it. We were the fucking talk of the town.

But contrary to popular rumor, we haven't actually done the deed yet. We've only been married for a week and a half, and it was a surprise to both of us. I can't wait until we have to tell our future kids how Mom and Dad ended up married. "I was angry. He'd just stood me up for the third time, after he promised he wasn't standing me up. And I was hurt, because I really liked him."

"And look at you now." She raises an eyebrow. "Married to the hot road crew worker, who makes being broody an art form. What does he look like without a shirt on? I've always wondered."

I sigh, pointing a finger at her. "You've definitely got that right. He's quiet, even more so than he was in college. As a reminder, that’s my husband you're talking about. Thank you for not objectifying him."

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