Page 14 of Jasper

"He'll be over in a few minutes."

A bubble of laughter bursts up from my chest. "You two do that a lot?"

"It's ninety-nine percent of how we communicate with each other when we're home. Fuck calling, texting, or walking outside. It took a little getting used to. For a while I had something on this wall, until he knocked it down enough."

"Does he beat on the wall?" I raise my eyebrows.

"Yeah, he has no awareness of how hard he knocks. He's like a bull in a China shop, causing destruction wherever he goes. Just ask Gabb," he quips.

I can't believe he just made a joke. It's been years since I heard him make a joke. I laugh softly. "I remember Gabby telling me that she'd swiped right on him, and they'd gone out on a date or two."

"They did, and now they've spent the last couple of months tiptoeing around each other. I have no idea what's going on with them, but I have a feeling something big is going to go down."

I try to hold back the yawn, but it works its way past my throat. "I'm so tired. Today has been the longest day."

"It has, and I'm sure it's been emotional for you." He rubs at the back of his neck. "I've never told anyone this, but the worst day of my life wasn't when my parents died. That was awful, don't get me wrong, but the worst day? It was when I realized I was going to be living with my grandfather for the next fourteen years. Little did I know I'd be in this situation right now."

While I was mad at him earlier, I'm again reminded of why he is the way he is. My heart hurts for the kid he'd been, and the man he's become. "What was his house like?" I ask softly, afraid if I say anything louder, he'll realize he's confiding in me; something he's never done before.

He doesn't say anything for so long, I think maybe he's not going to answer, and I've pushed too far, too fast. But then, his deep voice echoes through the quietness between us. "Cold and dark. Fuckin' formal. I was scared to do anything there; afraid I would move a knick knack too far and it would set him off. He's always been the type of man not to have a lot of feelings toward anything, but his lack of feelings toward me was terrifying as a child. I could sense it, and it kept me up at night more often than it should've."

I'm about to try and delve in deeper when the front door opens, Barrett strolling in. That effectively cuts off the conversation. I've never wanted someone to go back to their house as much as I want it right now. It takes everything I have not to ask him to leave so I can have some time alone with my husband. But since he knows that right now we're married in name only, that might sound a bit weird, and he might realize something else is going on here. I’m not sure if I’m ready for that yet, or not.

Barrett grumbles. "I'm here and ready to eat my fuckin' weight in crust, pepperoni, and cheese. Please tell me there's one full pizza here with my name on it, I am starving."

“I am, too.” Jasper rubs at his stomach, making a noise as well.

When I realize why he's starving, because he helped me move all my shit today, my chest squeezes. I should be thankful, should be telling him how grateful I am for him, but instead I'm annoyed. Not just at him, but at me, too. This is the shit I should've been asking him when we were dating, and he started pulling away. I try to give myself grace and realize that I was young too. I didn't have the maturity it took to understand he was hurting as much as he was. Now that he's told me a little about what his life was like when he went to live with his grandfather, I can understand what I've been fighting against the past few years. "I am, too." I get up from the couch and walk over to the stove. "Where is the pizza cutter?"

Jasper takes a drink of a beer, his head indicating the drawer next to where I'm standing.

I pull it open and dig around until my fingers grasp the handle of the cutter. Within minutes, I have all the pizzas cut and the pieces served on plates, along with the bag of salad Barrett brought over. "It's ready if y'all are ready to eat."

My eyes meet Jasper's brown ones. "Oh, I'm ready."

And I can't help but wonder if he means he's ready for the food, or what else seems to come along with us.

CHAPTER TWELVE

Jasper

Barrett needs to fucking leave. He's been a pain in my ass since he got here. I was having a good conversation with Daisy, almost opening up to her. Even though we'd shared words that were as far away from opening up as we'd ever been. In those quiet moments we had before he showed up, I'd felt close to her. Closer than I've been in years. I could feel it, on the tip of my tongue, ready to explode, and if he hadn't come over when he had? I would've done it.

Maybe I should be thanking the Lord that he showed up when he did, because I've never confessed to someone the shit that happened with my grandfather. I was always told not to, that no one would believe me, and I held that close to my heart, obviously longer than I should've. Needing to get Barrett out is becoming more of a must. So I make a big deal out of stretching and yawning. "I'm so damn tired," I sigh heavily, rubbing at my eyes.

To my side, Daisy really does look like she's about to pass out. No doubt it's been an emotionally trying day for her. She's said goodbye to a place she's more than likely grown to love. Just like I had to say goodbye to my parents' house when it came time to live with my grandfather. I'm sympathetic to what this marriage may have cost her. "Me, too," she agrees as she tucks her legs up underneath her and circles her arms around her knees, resting her head.

Barrett eyes us both. "I guess that's my cue to leave. If either of you need anything, you know where I'm at."

He leaves without much fanfare, and here we are: alone again. I wish I knew how to be the guy I was with her back when we were in college. The one that was slightly more open than I am right now. The one who had a little bit of a fuck to give, and the one who had some hope. I don't know that it will ever be me again, and I know I should tell her. Let her know that she's probably going to fight a losing battle, but I can't bring myself to do it. I can't bring myself to admit that I'm never going to be the person I once thought I would be, because so many have fucking failed me.

"I'm tired." She yawns loudly, stretching her arms toward the ceiling. "Do you mind if I go to bed?"

"No, but you do know I don't have another place to sleep right? We'll be sharing a bed for now." I don't remember if I've made that clear to her, and now I'm realizing how much of an asshole that makes me sound.

Daisy looks over at me, her hazel eyes showing absolutely no room for argument. "Did you not think I realized what I was getting with you when I said yes to this? I know you better than probably anyone, which is saying something considering no one really knows you, Jasper. But I knew there was going to be a lot you weren't going to tell me. You'd let me figure it out, because that's how you work. I don't blame you for it, I understand it's how you were raised.” She straightens her spine, shoulders back and looks me directly in the eye. “But I am expecting everything from you, including the unexpected. Just be sure and stick to your side of the bed, Hamilton. I'm not ready for that yet." With those words, she gets up and heads toward my bedroom.

A small smile plays across my face. This is the Daisy I know and fell in love with before. If I'm not careful she's going to get to me again. I don't want to look into that too deeply, but even I know that humans need interaction, and other than my friends, I've had very little of that for the past couple of years. I wanted to reach out to her, but talked myself out of it more times than I can count. I couldn't take the rejection, and I knew she'd give me one after the way I fucked her over.

---