I hold my hand up. "I do. I'll see y'all tomorrow."
That had been the first and last time I'd allowed myself to feel anything when I saw her around town. Had it worked? Not all the time, but for the most part, I was able to live without having her by my side. It wasn't until my grandfather told me that I'd have to marry someone and have a child that I realized she was the only person who'd be able to help me.
Getting out of the shower, I dry off and put on a pair of sweatpants. When I walk out of the bathroom, I run smack dab into the woman I've spent my entire shower thinking about. She comes up to my collarbone, and I can't help but notice the way her chest hitches with the quick inhale of breath.
"Sorry." She licks her lips, pulling her bottom lip in between her teeth. "I didn't mean to run into you.”
"It's okay. This is a small house. Might not be an apartment, but it is a duplex. It's going to be tight for us for a bit, but I'm hoping to be able to buy a house next year." I feel as if I need to make that clear to her that I don't expect us to be in this small space forever. That I don't expect for us to have kids here.
"It's fine, Jasper. I don't expect you to have everything planned for our entire lives right now."
I know her, and she wants to say more. "Don't hold back from me. Tell me everything you want to say."
"We loved each other." She lifts her shoulder up in a shrug. "We know a lot about how the other person operates, and we both know you never wanted to get married. If it had been up to you, you'd be a bachelor forever, and I know that. The only reason we're married is because you had to do it, and I know I probably wasn't your first choice."
Before I can stop myself, I invade her personal space, crowding her into the opposite wall. "That's where you're wrong, Daisy. You were my only choice."
We’re breathing heavily, her eyes go down to my lips. “You sure about that? Because I’m about to bitch at you for leaving your shit on the floor when you’re done with your shower. I might be your wife, but I’m not your maid.”
“If you were my maid, I’d take you bent over, Daisy.”
“But I’m your wife?”
“That you are, and I’ll wait until you tell me you want it, but know arguing with you is foreplay for me. Go ahead and bitch at me some more.”
And with those words, I walk away. For not only my sanity, but for hers, too. She can't see how she makes me feel. It gives her power, and I'm not ready to give that power up yet.
It's the only thing I've ever been able to control.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
Daisy
His words are still ringing in my ears an hour later.
"Are you hungry?" he asks, coming into the bedroom where I'm busy folding clothes and finding a place to put them.
I've been in here, hiding, because I wasn't sure how to deal with the disappointment that curled in my stomach at what he said. It's been sitting there, right below the surface, fighting to get loose. If I were the type of woman who enjoyed conflict, I'd have yelled like a Jerry Springer guest back in the day, but I'm not. I shrug. "I could eat."
He sighs heavily. "I know you didn't want to hear what I said earlier. Would it be easier if I lied to you? We saw what happened last time."
"No." I throw the shirt I'm folding down. "I don't want you to lie to me. What I want is for you to be really honest, and I don't think you're doing it. I've known you for a long time, Jasper. You can't fool me. You may have asked me to marry you because you felt like you had no other choice, but the fact of the matter is you were fully aware you could trust me at the same damn time." I stop my words by pressing my lips into a firm line. "I'm not happy about this, and it's my fault. I'm always going to think I can change you, but all you keep doing is proving I can't."
"I am who I am, Daisy. I don't know how to be any other way."
You're going to have to take me as I am is left unsaid between us. I'm still mad, but now I'm mad at myself. I exhale heavily. "Yeah, I'm hungry. What do you have to eat?"
"Frozen pizza. It's the easiest thing to make."
"Fine." I get up from where I'm kneeling on the floor and head to the kitchen with him. Going through the motions here, just like I've been doing for far too long when it comes to Jasper Hamilton.
Thirty minutes later, I'm helping him get a frozen pizza out of the oven. It's all we had the energy to do. Barrett is coming over and bringing salad. I can't believe he had it, but according to Jasper, Barrett does enjoy eating healthy sometimes, unlike the rest of them.
"Can you let him know that the pizzas are done?" I ask Jasper, who's sitting on the couch.
"Sure."
He gets up and goes over to the wall, which I didn't expect. I thought he'd go out the front door and walk over to Barrett's. I'm even more surprised when he raises his arm, and beats on the wall with his fist.