Page 47 of Brutal Secrets

Nadia’s huddled under the covers. One foot sticks out of a duvet with moons, stars, and other magic symbols on it, evidence of a fast-fading Hogwarts phase. Now she’s graduated to Addams Family style teenage angst.

“Go away,” a muffled voice says from underneath the heap of bedclothes.

I perch next to her on the covers, running my hand up and down the outline of her shoulders. She’s still so small. Still my little girl.

“I’m sorry, baby bear.” I keep stroking her.

“You lied. You said that my father would love me if he knew me, but if he loved me, then why didn’t he come to find us, Mommy?”

My heart breaks for her as her little tear-streaked face emerges from the bedding. If it were in my power, I’d shield her from all my heartbreaks.

I climb next to her and curl my legs behind her knees, wrapping her in my body. “I don’t know, bear. I don’t know why he didn’t come.”

“Did he just find us?”

Pain spears through my guts, landing deep in my womb. How do I tell her he wasn’t looking?

“I found him.”

“Was it a quest? Like The Hobbit?”

“Not exactly. I looked for a few years. I wrote songs that I hoped would be magic spells to bring your father back to us. And then I decided that maybe I should just look after you and Nona and he’d find us when he was meant to.”

“Is that what God wanted?”

These questions. How do you start to answer them? Sending her to a Catholic girls’ school left me with more than I bargained for.

“That was what I decided. And then I found him last week, and now he’s here.”

“Did he come for me?”

The pain in my stomach twists and churns. “I don’t know, honey. I do know he’s worried about us, about our safety, which is why I called Dex. We might have to leave town for a while and do schooling online like you do when I go on tour.”

“But we’ve got free dress day, and I’m supposed to make gingerbread cookies in cooking class.” She looks despondent, and I twine my arms around her more tightly, squeezing her small frame.

“If there are some bad men looking for us, then we have to protect ourselves and follow Dex’s advice.”

“What about my dad? Will he come with us? Is he going to protect us too?”

“I don’t know, Nadia. It’s been many years since I saw him, and I don’t know who he is today. Time can change people. Sometimes life is difficult and people get scarred by that.” I don’t add that I didn’t know him at all. That I saw something in him that wasn’t there.

She wriggles out of my grip and grins at me, looking animated all of a sudden. “Hey. Do you think my superpower will work?”

My brow furrows. “Which superpower?”

“You and Nona said that I could make anyone love me. Do you think I can make my dad love me? Do you think I can make him love all of us?” She pokes her head out of the duvet, hope animating her features, and I reach out to trace the streaks tears have left on her cheeks.

“Maybe. If his heart isn’t broken too badly.”

Nadia snuggles up against me and wraps her arms around my middle. Despite the teenage attitude, she’s still a little girl who smells of cookies and fresh bread and has childish ideas about how the world works.

“I bet I can fix him,” she says.

She sits up and regards me steadily, wisps of hair escaping from the braids I put in last night. The style has the dual advantage of making her look like Wednesday Addams while also stopping her hair from getting tangled. I pick up one of the braids and run it through my fingers.

“Baby bear, it really doesn’t work like that. I don’t think you can just fix people.”

“Mom, do you think you’ll fall in love with my dad again?” Nadia’s eyes scan my features carefully, as if she can find the answers on my face.

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