Page 92 of Twisted Cage

I feel the deep-seated fear. And the horrible images flood my head before I can stop them.

“It’s more than just me now, and if the Petrovs got ahold of us…” I don’t have to say it because he knows. My brother’s army survives and grows in safe houses and an underground city he built because of the dangers to all of us.

Even if I came back the minute I found out I was pregnant, even if I could tell Nikolaj the whole truth without him putting a bullet between Konstantin’s eyes, they lived a good portion of their lives underground hiding out. How long would I have been forced into those tunnels to stay alive? All I could think about was endless days, the walls closing in, no sunlight, and despair. And when it came time to deliver… would we still be underground? Would I be opening some hidden hatch, carrying my little girl down a narrow ladder? The darkness swallowing us the way it had when Grigori brought me down to the crypt. The thought of keeping Lexi down there indefinitely—no.

The alternative comes to life in my nightmares. Where they’re tearing her away with sinister laughs as she screams for me.

“We’ll never let them get ahold of you.”

After seeing him tonight firsthand, there’s no one I would trust with my life, or with hers, more. But it’s still not enough. If it were just me… but it’s not now. I have to think about her first.

We’re limited by the same means and share the same enemies. Together we make an irresistible target.

And he was right earlier. I shouldn’t have exposed myself while bullets were flying. I made a huge mistake that could have cost my little girl everything. Like playing honorary aunt had skewed my priorities in the heat of the moment and I forgot myself.

I lost my mother far too young, but at least I remember her.

Lexi would have nothing but a few pictures and the surrounding people to tell her who her mother was. She wouldn’t remember my scent, the feel of my hair, the sound of my voice talking and singing to her—all things I at least had of my mother.

“You say that, but when Nikolaj finds out, he’s going to lose his mind. He won’t take this well, and I don’t know how to tell him without putting us all at risk. Anger makes people vulnerable. Simple mistakes are deadly. I can’t—” My voice wobbles and I swallow against the tears clogging my throat. She’s their best weapon against me, and the minute they find out about her, they’ll know it. “I won’t let anything happen to her. I’ll keep her a secret forever if that’s what it takes to keep them from getting their hands on her.”

“You love her… you're fierce with it.”

I stare at him wide-eyed for a couple of seconds before I realize my mouth is hanging open. “Of course I love her. Why wouldn’t I?”

He pushes to his feet and paces the floor at the foot of the bed. “Some women can’t. When they look at their child, it reminds them of their assault. But not you.”

“Assault? What?—”

He lets out a growl through gritted teeth, his jaw tight. “I swear, if I could, I’d resurrect that fucker and kill him again for what he did to you.” His shoulders hunch with agitation, his clenched fists hanging at his sides.

“Who?”

“Who do you think? Elijah,” he snarls, whirling on me.

A burst of laughter slides out of me, startling Lexi. She throws the arm not tucked against me out wide, her eyelids squeezing tight before softening again. “Kostya. You saw what I did to him. Do you really think I would have let him get inside me? Think about it.”

“If not Elijah, then who?” He leans toward me with his palms flat on the foot of the bed. “Tell me and he’s dead, Pcholka.”

Lexi’s latch breaks free then. I brush my nipple against her lips one more time and when she doesn’t react, I close my shirt and lift her to my shoulder. Smiling, I kiss her soft pink cheek and take a deep breath before I look him straight in the eye. “The only man I’ve ever been with.”

He freezes then, his face freakishly blank, like he doesn’t understand a word I’m saying. Or maybe he understands all too well.

“Lexi is your daughter, Kostya.”

Before I realize what’s happening, he sinks to his knees and drops his head in his hands. My stomach knots with tension and the niggling doubts I buried long ago because they change nothing.

I’ve never seen him on his knees. Never.

I squeeze my eyes shut, pushing the image away as it slices at my soul.

His harsh breathing fills the room, in and out, in time with the hammering of my heart echoing in my head.

I don’t know if he’s hurt or he realizes the gravity of what will happen when we tell Nikolaj, but either way, the discussion is not happening until Lexi is out of the room. “Let me put her to bed and we can talk.” I reach for him. “I’m sure you want?—”

His head snaps up, his hard gaze pinning me to the spot. I can’t read him, but something tells me to pull my hand back and get Lexi out. “You probably have a million questions.”

When I get to the door, I glance back and he’s still on his knees, but it’s the cutting look as I passed him that’s now burned in my mind.

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