Page 15 of Twisted Cage

“You’re one man against a centuries-old force, Kostya. One man.” A smile teases my lips at the look of sheer disgust on his face. God, how he hates being reminded he’s human. “And from where you’ve all kept me perched, I’ve had nothing but time to see what no one else can.”

His body stills. He almost looks relaxed, but looks are deceiving. He’s spent years softening his hard edges around me, protecting me from the brutalness of our world. But I’ve seen it despite the ways he tries to hide it. And sometimes, it’s he who’s hidden from me under the stifling darkness engulfing me.

“What did you see, Pcholka?”

“Tradition demands Nikolaj use me to attain power. He’s formed from this same poison I am. And while we may be better than our brother, purer of heart, more honorable when it comes down to it, we will do what needs to be done. That’s why I put my own price tag on my virginity. Because I know, if it came down to saving the empire, he would fucking trade me or sell me for what’s mine. And I’m terrified I will fall in line just like the women before me.”

I’m gasping now, the agonizingly slow death of my spirit over the course of the years looming before me. But this one thing… this one experience. It can be mine. I need it to be mine.

“To the rest of you, I’m a means to an end. Nothing more.”

“You’ve never been a means to an end to me. Never.”

“But is it enough to stop you from doing your duty?” When he grimaces, I shake my head. “Don’t answer that. I already know. But hearing it from your lips would cut too deep, Kostya.” I blink away the moisture in my eyes and meet his eyes. “My virginity was the one thing I had that I wanted to be mine and mine alone.”

Exhaustion engulfs me and in the looming silence, my heavy eyelids sink closed, but it’s okay. He’s here. He’s protecting me. Today I’m mine. Tomorrow, I just don’t know. I sink under the covers deeper, stealing every bit of warmth I can for a chill that never quite escapes me. I have no money, no friends, nothing to help me in my escape, but none of that matters. I have to go. I just need one opportunity, whether it comes from their complacency or utter chaos, it doesn’t matter. The unknown is a dark swath, but for now, I have the oblivion of sleep, where the dreams of him come.

The only place I can have him as I truly want him.

It’s in this place without time, without space, where he sheds duty and touches me. Every glide of his fingers over my skin awakening my nerve endings before setting me on fire. I’m drowning in a sea of lightheadedness as his lips trail over me, tracing the path of his fingers.

Darting out his tongue, he drags along the valley between my breasts, his gaze dark, seductive, and never leaving mine.

The ache for him runs so deep it takes my breath away. Unable to bear another minute of his torture, I reach for the one place he’s avoided touching. Wet and throbbing, the minute I find my clit, I’m grinding against my fingers, a cry tearing?—

“Damn you, wake up!”

My eyes flutter open and he’s there. Looming over me, his fingers digging into my arms with a rough shake. But he’s not hungry for me; he’s seething, his every breath tearing through gritted teeth.

“What’s wrong?”

“You. You’re killing me. Jesus, Pcholka.” He lets me go then, spinning away from me, and I fall back on the bed. Sweat dots my temples, my hair clinging to my damp skin. The ache from the dream, it’s still here, and when I glance down, my hand is buried between my thighs behind my white panties.

Embarrassment is but a flash as I watch him seethe, realizing how something so natural had such a powerful hold on him.

“I can’t control what I do in my sleep, Kostya. If you would just go to sleep, you won’t have to see it.”

He’s pacing now with his hands balled in fists at his sides. His dress shirt hangs open, giving me a peek at his wide, hard chest. “I need darkness to sleep, Pcholka. Light means I’m exposed.”

But it’s not the physical exposure plaguing him now. It’s the inescapable truth in his heart provoking him, pummeling him with a truth that won’t hide one more second.

I swing my legs over the edge of the bed and stand, the t-shirt I put on to sleep grazing the tops of my thighs. I bite back a whimper at the feel of cotton gliding over my skin. Stepping into his path, I force him to stop. “I’m vulnerable in the darkness and you’re vulnerable in the light.”

“It seems so, yes,” he growls, a sound of pure frustration breaking free.

“What if there’s a solution?” I run my fingers along the buttons of his shirt and peel the fabric over his shoulders, careful of the wound he must have bandaged while I was in the tub.

Violent fingers grip my wrist. “What the hell do you think you’re doing?”

“Making different memories of the dark.”

His fingers clutch the back of my hair and he yanks my head back. “Bite your tongue.”

“I’d rather you bite it.”

Lungs heaving with a battle of wills inside him, he lowers his forehead to mine. “Damn you. You must stop this. This road doesn’t end well for either of us. Blood and death. No happy ending. Is that what you want?”

Leaning up on my tiptoes, my mouth hovering over his, I cup his face. “I hate this life I’m cursed with, Kostya. Is it so wrong to want something for just me?”