Page 46 of The Ex-cavenger Hunt

As Ethan leaves the room, I’m acutely aware of Derek’s presence, his gaze boring into me. I settle into a comfortable leather couch, but it might as well feel like a bed of nails. Every muscle in my body is tense, my fingers gripping the armrest like a lifeline. I’m here with Derek. The Derek. The man who once held my heart in his hands and promised me forever.

I take a deep breath, trying to calm the rapid beating of my heart. “So, how have you been?” I ask, my voice sounding too bright, too forced. I cross my legs, my foot bouncing nervously.

Derek leans back in his chair, his expression unreadable. “I’ve been good, Lily. Really good.” He pauses, his eyes searching mine. “But I have to admit, seeing you again . . . It brings back a lot of memories.”

I swallow hard, my mouth suddenly dry, as if all the moisture has been sucked out of the room. “Yeah, it does.” My voice is barely above a whisper, the words sticking in my throat. I avert my gaze, focusing on a spot on the wall behind him, unable to meet his intense stare. The weight of our shared past hangs heavy in the air, suffocating in its intensity, pressing down on my chest until it feels like I can’t breathe.

Derek leans forward, his elbows resting on his knees, his hands clasped together. His brow furrows, a mix of confusion and understanding etched into his features. “Somehow, I don’t think you’re here to tell me you changed your mind about us.” His voice is low, tinged with a sadness that tugs at my heart.

I shake my head, my lips pressed together in a tight line. With trembling fingers, I reach inside my purse, the cool metal of the ring brushing against my skin. I pull it out, holding it between us like a peace offering, a final gesture of closure.

Derek’s eyes widen, a flicker of pain crossing his face before he masks it with a determined expression. He reaches out, his fingers brushing against mine as he closes my hand around the ring. “I don’t want it back,” he says, his voice fierce with emotion. “But I do want you with me.”

My heart clenches, a dull ache spreading through my chest. I close my eyes briefly, taking a shaky breath. “Me, or the woman who will fit in with your long-term plan?” I ask, my voice barely above a whisper. I open my eyes, meeting his gaze with a mixture of sadness and resignation. “I still want to open a small gallery, run a coffee shop, travel . . .” My voice trails off as I remember all the dreams I had, the aspirations he insisted didn’t fit into his five or ten-year plan.

The countless nights we spent arguing, his voice firm and unyielding, telling me that maybe when we retired, I could pursue those passions. But for now, he needed a wife, a professional, a woman who would match who he was, who would fit seamlessly into his carefully crafted image.

He wanted me to change to someone I’ll never be.

I feel a lump forming in my throat, tears prickling at the corners of my eyes. I blink them back, refusing to let them fall. “Derek, I can’t be that woman. I can’t sacrifice who I am, what I want, for a future that doesn’t feel like mine.”

Derek’s jaw clenches, a muscle twitching in his cheek. He leans back in his chair, his fingers drumming against the armrest. Frustration builds within him, his body tense with pent-up emotion. Abruptly, he stands up, his chair scraping against the floor. He begins pacing the room, his strides long and agitated.

“Lily, I . . .” He pauses, searching for the right words, his hands clenching and unclenching at his sides. “I never meant to make you feel like you had to give up your dreams. I thought we could find a compromise, a way to make it work.” His voice rises, anger seeping into his tone. “You just need to grow up. That’s exactly your problem.”

I flinch at his words, my heart constricting in my chest. I feel the sting of tears behind my eyes, but I refuse to let them fall. I straighten my spine, my chin lifting in defiance.

“You can’t live your life dreaming. And it’s obvious that you haven’t changed,” he continues, his words cutting deep.

“But you’re wrong,” I say defensively, my voice trembling with emotion. I take a step toward him, my hands balled into fists at my sides. “I’m a different, more mature woman. If I wasn’t, I wouldn’t have come to the realization that we are over, that you never loved me.”

Derek stops pacing, his eyes flashing with anger. “But I love you,” he insists, his voice loud and forceful.

I shake my head, a bitter laugh escaping my lips. “No, you love the idea of the person you want me to be,” I argue, matching his tone of voice. My heart races, adrenaline coursing through my veins.

“Grow the fuck up,” he says, his voice echoing in the room.

I take a deep breath, my shoulders squared and my gaze steady. “As I said, I did,” I counter, my voice firm and unwavering. “A few days ago, I was trying to show everyone that I could be who they wanted me to be. And now, I’m happy with the woman I’ve become, and I’m ready to use my savings to reach my goals. I won’t be afraid of what others think or of failure.”

The diamond in my handcatches the light, casting a spectrum of colors across the room. I deposit it on the table, the ring clanging against the polished wood. “I held onto this thinking that maybe you were right about everything. The truth is that I was afraid to give this back and confront you, not because I loved you and I didn’t want to lose you. It was because I believed you were the only way I could show everyone I had matured and I wasn’t a child.”

A laugh bubbles up from within me, a sound of pure liberation. There’s a life-altering freedom within my soul and in my heart. Derek and I were over long ago. When we broke up, he asked me not to give him the ring back, to take my time and sow my oats.

He said that once I matured, I could come back to him. The realization hits me like a ton of bricks—the asshole gaslit me and made me feel like I was the one who needed to change, to fit into his mold of the perfect woman.

Derek looks at me, speechless. He probably thinks I’ve lost the only marble I have left, but he’s wrong. I kiss his cheek.

“I wish you all the best, Derek,” I say, stepping out the door. When Ethan looks at me he gives me a confused look.

“You were engaged?”

“Umm . . .” I nod but can’t make up any other words.

Then suddenly he says, “It really doesn’t matter. Do you mind if I send you back to Boston? I have to be in San Diego ASAP.”

And somehow, I think this, the thing between us just ended and we didn’t even get to the good part. What happened with always and tonight and . . .

Chapter Twenty-Nine

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