Page 72 of Beauty Of Her

“And since when do you take off from work?” Amelia flailed her arms in her navy pinstriped come-fuck-me suit. Seriously, this outfit was like a second skin on her.

“Amelia. I love you, but please leave me alone.” I hoisted myself from the duvet blanket and sank into the cool cloud pillows. “And I’m allowed to take some PTO. I have unused weeks, so why not use them?”

“Well, put them to better use rather than taking this miserable sabbatical you’re on right now.” Amelia waved her hand in the area and pulled open the curtains that had been closed for twelve days.

I squinted and shielded myself from the bright rays pouring into the room. "Miserable sabbatical? Is that what you think this is?" I snapped, pulling the covers tighter around me to shield myself from her prying eyes. "I just need time, Amelia. Time to heal... to figure things out."

“I know exactly what this is, baby cakes.” Amelia marched defiantly across the room until she plopped beside me on the mattress. “You are drowning in a pool of your own regret.”

I sighed, unable to meet Amelia's gaze. She was right, of course. Regret clung to me like a glue, suffocating me with every breath. "I just thought I could handle it," I muttered, my voice barely audible. “The breakup. I didn’t think it would be this hard. I never realized how much I loved Brett.”

“Love, Brett. You still love him.”

“Of course I do.” I rolled my eyes. “It’s not like those feelings will just disappear. Not everyone is like you.” I tilted my head to Amelia.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” She crossed her arms and cocked an eyebrow.

“You have this ability to shut down and start over with someone new just like that.” I snapped my fingers. “Well, I’m not like that. I’m an emotional wreck.” I threw the blanket over my head, hoping Amelia would disappear. When she tugged the blanket away and exposed my head, my wish hadn’t come true.

“First off, I’m not this cardboard robot you’re describing. I’ve been hurt in the past, and now I just operate where I keep things on the surface. Maybe one day, I’ll find my great love. Or even two great loves.”

“Two loves?” I popped my eyebrows.

“I have a lot of love to give.” Amelia winked, and for the first time, I cracked a smile.

“Seriously, Amelia. Two loves in life, or two loves at once?” This was a good and fun distraction because Amelia would roll with it and be honest.

“Oh, I don’t know. I think after my divorce, I’ve opened all possibilities.”

“Even dating women?” I raised an eyebrow.

Amelia giggled. “Okay, not all. I love women. I think we’re the best species out there. But I love dick too much. The only vagina I’ll be touching is my own.”

I laughed, holding my midsection. “Please, don’t ever change.”

“Why would I?” Amelia shrugged.

Just then, the telling screech of the school bus brakes came to a painful halt outside, penetrating the room’s silence. Amelia peered through the curtains and nodded. “The girls are home.”

“Okay, I’ll be down in a minute.” I winced. Even my body hurt. Everything ached from this breakup.

“How are the girls handling everything?”

"They're doing their best, considering the circumstances." I forced a small smile. "But I can tell they're upset. They miss Brett. Who doesn’t?” I threw my arms up, feeling like a fucking failure. Sara continued to smile whenever she saw me and tried to make light of Brett’s absence, but Zoe? She couldn’t mask her emotions and had given me the silent treatment.

“Give it time. Kids are resilient.” Amelia winked and walked to the doorway. “Take a hot shower. I’ll hang out with the girls, okay?”

A weak smile spread across my face, and I fought hot tears. I mouthed, ‘Thank you,’ and watched Amelia leave the room.

“Girls! Your favorite Amelia is here,” she yelled down the steps.

Listening to their laughter, mainly Sara and Amelia’s, and their banter from upstairs, I couldn’t help fighting the guilt spreading in my gut. Guilt for wallowing in my own sorrow while my children grappled with their feelings of confusion. I knew I needed to pull myself together for their sake, to be strong for them even when I wanted to surrender.

I dragged myself out of bed and made my way to the bathroom. The hot shower that awaited me seemed like a sanctuary and a battleground. It was where tears flowed freely, where I allowed myself to succumb to the pain before gathering the strength to face the world again.

I missed Brett so much that I almost felt strangled by the longing. And there wasn’t a single thing I could say I didn’t miss. Everything about Brett I yearned for. I missed his touch—how his fingertips would trace delicate patterns on my skin. I longed for his kisses and how they carried me to another place I’d never imagined myself in. Complete bliss. But it wasn't just the physical aspects that I craved. It was the way he made me feel alive, desired, and loved. With Brett, every moment felt like an adventure. And his smile. Just everything. I wanted him back, but it was too late. I pushed him away, and he finally listened. I knew it was time to let go. Time to accept that sometimes love wasn't enough to sustain a relationship.

I turned off the shower, stepping onto the fluffy pink bathmat as droplets cascaded down my body. Wrapping a towel around myself, I took a deep breath and opened the bathroom door. I dressed in matching sweats and made my way downstairs. The aroma of pizza hit my nose, and saliva flooded my mouth. Amelia stood behind the kitchen island, handing out gooey slices to the girls.

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