Page 23 of Beauty Of Her

Julia tensed, and her gaze darted away from mine. “It's not that simple,” she murmured.

“Well, if he did, he’s a complete moron for letting you go.”

She swallowed, her throat clicking. “Yeah, Peter cheated.”

My fingers dug into her skin absentmindedly before they softened again. What a complete fucking idiot. Didn’t this fool know what kind of woman he had in Julia? And trust me, I knew since I had slept with plenty. “Well, she was probably a real ditz and compared nothing to you.”

“Oh yeah. Joel can act like a real ditz sometimes.”

I froze. Joel? A man? Was Julia’s ex-husband gay?

Julia bit her bottom lip, and I could tell she regretted what she just said, but it didn’t stop her. “What was even crazier was my initial reaction when I found out he cheated. I actually felt bad for Peter. He was miserable in our marriage because he was too scared to be who he wanted to be. He blamed his father and rigid views from his upbringing. At one point, he claimed he did love me and thought our love could push those hidden desires away. But they kept coming back until he resented me.”

“He acted nasty to you?” I ran my hands through Julia’s dark locks, ensuring she knew I was very much there.

“More like stayed at work as much as possible but was always vicious at home. It was not physically abusive like you would think. It was more emotional. I could never do anything right in his eyes. He was always one to put me down, or even when I did the right thing, he said I should have done it another way. A better way. By the time I had found out about the affair with Joel, I was a completely defeated person.”

My heart ached with every word spilling off Julia’s tongue. I had never felt the urge to save someone like I had while sitting here. Except, Julia didn’t need to be saved. She just needed a person to listen to her. Someone like…me.

“For a long time, I felt like the most pathetic and stupidest person alive. But, with time and some decent therapy, I’ve realized it had nothing to do with me. It was all on him.”

“Yes. Exactly, Julia.” I kissed her smooth forehead.

“But that doesn’t mean I’ve learned to build back the trust again.” Her eyes slowly lifted until they were locked on me as if throwing a warning banner up.

“I get it,” I said and added, “but you have to let some people in eventually. Otherwise, your life is going to feel empty.” I pushed myself up, bringing her with me so we were arm to arm.

“You sound so much older for your age, young man.” Her index finger traced my lower lip as I cracked a smile. “Does this mean you still want to see me again, or have you learned enough?”

“Babe. Trust me when I say we’re just starting.” My teeth nipped her invading finger before she removed it and replaced the intrusion with her mouth. And I had never meant anything more than what I had just uttered. This strange new beginning for Julia, letting her guard down after five years, was a fresh start for me, too.

“So, let me get this straight,” said Amelia over a bowl of raspberries while sitting in our building’s window-lined cafeteria. “You had the most amazing sex of your life, and now you want to avoid this man who is smitten with you?” She plopped a juicy berry between her pink lips.

“Shh!” My eyes darted wildly around the half-empty space. “Keep your voice down.”

“It is down.” Amelia’s voice was so not down, and my face was on fire. Anyone could have heard. “What the fuck is wrong with you?”

“Nothing is wrong with me.” My eyes popped, and I finally sipped my now cold black coffee. “It’s only been three days. It’s not a big deal if I haven’t answered every one of his texts.”

“Um…and you’re supposed to be the older, more mature one.” Amelia shook her head, frowning. No, make that shaming me for my cautious actions. This was about my safety and emotional guard being up.

“I am the older one. Please don’t remind me.”

“Oh, it’s only a decade. When he’s eighty and you’re ninety, do you think either one of you will really give a shit about you being the older one? I think it’s thrilling. Fresh meat.” Amelia raised a wicked eyebrow. Why couldn’t I be as carefree and adventurous as Amelia? If only I could get over myself and these hang-ups.

I sighed, feeling like a teenager being scolded by her mother. Amelia was right. There was nothing wrong with Brett. It was my own insecurities that held me back. “It’s not just about the age gap, Amelia. Brett is so…free-spirited. I don’t know if I can keep up with him.”

“Then don’t keep up with him,” Amelia said with a shrug. “Let him take you for the ride.” She winked, licking the fruit before pushing it through her lips.

“Would you stop eating the fruit like that and just put it in your mouth and chew like a normal person?”

“What are you talking about?” Amelia’s mouth hung open.

“You’re eating like you’re fucking your food.”

And then we laughed. We needed this. That was the beauty of our friendship. Amelia and I could test each other like the craziest waves thrashing against one other, but we always came back laughing.

But even with Amelia’s reassurances, I still couldn’t shake off the nagging feeling inside. Maybe it wasn’t just about the age gap. Maybe it was about me not being ready to open up to someone, to risk getting hurt all over again.

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