Page 9 of Undoing the Grumpy Guy

It's also nice to share my excitement over my date without fear of judgement.

I’m not naïve; someone like Reed getting serious about me is as far-fetched as Bear suddenly coming to life. Still, it’s nice to dream and even if he never calls, I’ll hold the magic of today in my heart for a long time to come.

CHAPTER FIVE

REED

I’m attracted to Winnie.

That much is clear, as I can’t concentrate as my thoughts are filled with her. Her sweet smile, warm and sunny personality, and, of course, the feel of her lips under mine. Thankfully, nothing big is pending at work and I can afford to not be at the top of my game. I’d chalk everything up to exhaustion after the last case that was over three years in the making, but that victory filled me with nothing but satisfaction.

No, this is new and started after my date with Winnie four days ago.

Despite the sizzling kisses and exchanging numbers, I fully intend not to call or see her again.

Years of bad relationships have jaded me. I’m not the man I’m supposed to be, and it wears on the women I date and myself. A man’s self-confidence can only take so much before it’s best just to give up and save yourself the trouble and pain.

But with Winnie, I feel…

Hopeful.

She’s so different from the women I’ve dated in the past. A stubborn part of me wants to believe that she could accept me the way I am, that she could look past my deficiency and love me.

I want to give a relationship with her a chance, despite knowing it will end like all the past ones have.

But honestly, opening myself up again scares the hell out of me.

Part of me wishes I had never met Winnie. Had never kissed her sweet lips or tasted her passion. She stirs feelings in me better left alone.

Over the past year, I’ve come to terms with the realization that I’m destined to remain alone. That’s why what I feel for Winnie is such a double-edged sword.

My sad and pathetic desire to be loved means opening myself up and risking having my heart ripped from my chest and my dignity torn to shreds.

I don’t know that I have it in me to chance that again.

***

Like a coward, I avoid having lunch with Elliot this week and now I’m being purposely vague in my replies to her text messages. My grandmother is sharp enough to know I’m being evasive. I might hide the truth from myself, but she’ll get it out of me. She’s made stronger men than me crack on the witness stand.

I blame disappointing Elliot on why I call Winnie. Which is a joke.

Every day that goes by without seeing her has driven my anxiety higher. I’m practically climbing out of my skin, fighting my desire to call her and hear her say my name again. To see her and claim her mouth and body like I ache to.

She claimed she had a small crush on me.

The tables have turned. I haven’t had a crush in a long time. And what I feel for Winnie, I would never classify as a crush. It’s more of an addiction. I want her fingers entwined with mine.

I want.

It’s as simple and complicated as that.

I’m not a complicated man.

Nor am I one to run from trouble. The basis of my life is that at my core, I’m a problem solver. Only now I’m faced with a problem of my own.

I’ve been accused of being a hard man, a grumpy bastard, and any number of other things. And most of them are true.

What I’ve never been is a defeatist. It’s not in my nature, and that’s why I’m tossing and turning at night, plagued by my inability to move past my desire for her.

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