Page 14 of Undoing the Grumpy Guy

“I thought we were going back out.” It’s an utterly foolish thing to say. The moment I walked through her door, and she left to go get changed, the thought that she might invite me into her bedroom buzzed in the back of my brain.

Stubbornly I tried not to dwell on that, but now here I am faced with a woman I’m very attracted to, and she looks ready to move our relationship to the next stage at a much faster pace than I was prepared for.

My sex life isn’t spontaneous. It hasn’t been for years.

My cock, which is rock hard at the moment, can’t be counted on to stay that way through the act of making love. Far too many times I’ve gone soft before or during the act, leaving both my partner and I frustrated and upset.

Sometimes they accuse me of not being attracted to them, because if I truly wanted them, I would be hard. It’s difficult to explain to a woman that it’s not them, it’s me.

Sadly, it’s all me and my inability to maintain an erection is because something is wrong with me. It has nothing to do with them or my libido.

I’ve been plagued with erectile dysfunction (ED) for years now. I’ve seen countless doctors, have undergone multiple physical exams and testing, and there is nothing wrong that they can find. I’m not overweight, I don’t smoke or do drugs, and my testosterone levels are fine.

Yet I can rarely stay hard without popping a pill.

A few years ago, one doctor offered me the option of surgery, but I’d rather take the occasional pill when needed than go that invasive and not always successful route.

Another doctor said it could be because of stress or anxiety. My job is high stress and outside of stepping back from taking active cases, which is not bloody likely, or retiring, that’s not about to change.

As far as anxiety goes, it’s pretty damn demoralizing that the very thing that makes me a male doesn’t work like it should and that I let my partner down.

I can please a woman with my mouth, tongue, and fingers, but I can’t give her the hard cock that she craves.

I’m open to toys. And I’m fine with taking a pill so I can perform in bed. But it needs to be planned ahead of time, absolutely killing any spontaneity and ruining “the mood”.

Countless relationships have failed because of my ED.

Oh, only a few women have come right out and admitted that. They haven’t needed to.

The cheating tells the real story.

I’ve failed them as a man, so they sought someone who could deliver. Someone who didn’t make them question their sexual appeal, someone who was hard the moment they needed them to be. No waiting around for a pill to take effect or getting bored with my fumbled attempts to stay hard naturally.

It didn’t matter how much I gave in a relationship. The gifts, vacations, and dinners were meaningless when I couldn’t give them what they truly wanted, a man with a normal functioning dick who could fuck them whenever and however they wanted.

People look at me and see a man with a solid career, a man to be envied for his position and wealth. They truly believe I have it all.

It’s my greatest shame and why I’m so hesitant to try relationships anymore. It’s far easier to have one-night stands, with no questions or worries. I pop my pill, hook up with an available woman, and we both leave satisfied.

But emotionally I’m not satisfied. I yearn for more.

I want the closeness of a relationship. I want marriage and children. I want to wake up with the same woman every day and spend the rest of my life with someone I love.

Looking up at the lovely woman standing in front of me, I question if I could be staring at her right now.

And I’m not about to ruin this moment due to my non-working dick!

Standing up, I go to her, taking her in my arms and gliding my fingers along the smooth, warm skin of her bare arms before cupping her shoulders and slanting my mouth across hers.

Winnie offers no protest as her lips part under my passionate onslaught, her body softening as she relaxes into my embrace.

Today, I’m going to make her come so many times she’ll be dizzy and spent. My name will be the one she pants and screams. I’ll bring her to the heights of ecstasy and all without my dick.

There will be time enough to talk about my condition later, but today I’m not going to let her down or give her a reason not to see me again. I want this with her. I want the chance to make something long lasting.

I can only pray she wants the same.

CHAPTER EIGHT

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