Kissing her neck, licking it, tasting salt, I let myself sink into the wonder that is her.

Wincing, I pull out of her and dispose of the condom.

“Shower?” I ask.

“God, yes. I am so sweaty and messy.”

“I like you sweaty and messy,” I say.

We spend the rest of the weekend together, and it's amazing. We watch movies together and eat popcorn until our lips tingle from the salt. We swim in the pool naked, and I take her on the edge of the pool.

We eat fresh fruit, and I feed her strawberries, loving the way they stain her lips.

At some point, we find ourselves feeling a little stir crazy, so we take a long walk through the woods that back onto the house. There are many beautiful paths through these woods, and some rare birds nest here. Tentatively, I tell her about some of them, thinking she will view me as a complete geek. She seems interested, however. Particularly when we come across the woodpecker, and we watch him for a while as he drills away at the wood. The sound rings out around us, and the only other thing you can hear is the gentle rustle of the leaves in the breeze and birds singing.

“This place is heavenly,” she says. “I like my little apartment, but it's nice to be somewhere so close to wildness, you know?”

“You deserve a better apartment than the one you have,” I tell her.

“You don't know because you haven’t been in it,” she says.

“The sofas in the waiting area a fake leather,” I point out with disdain.

“Are you for real?” She shakes her head as her laughter rings out. The woodpecker stops his work and turns to stare our way. She claps a hand over her mouth, and her expression is priceless. “Whoops,” she whispers. “I don't want to scare him away. Are you seriously saying that my apartment is crappy because the sofas in the reception aren't genuine leather?”

“Yes.” I shrug. “You deserve the best. You should be living somewhere fit for a queen.”

Her eyes narrow as she considers me. “I could afford somewhere more opulent if I so wished. I like the place, though. It has everything I need, so why pay out loads more just for a fancy reception area?”

I take her hand, and we stroll on past the woodpecker. “I guess I imagined you as someone who would want the very best,” I say.

“I do,” she says. “In general. It isn’t somewhere that I've bought to live; I'm just renting it while I figure things out. I’m perfectly happy there, and I like the area.”

“What kind of place would you like to live in?”

“Truthfully, something like this.” She turns around and looks at the woods around her. “You have the best of both worlds. This place is gorgeous, and yet you’re close to the capital city.”

She walks ahead of me, arms out wide as she looks up at the canopy. I hang back and watch her.

This woman has taken up far too much space in my head for years. I told myself I hated her, but I don’t think I did.

I think I wanted her. All along. I never stopped wanting her.

Her hair shines under the dappled sun, and when she turns to me there’s a vulnerability in her gaze. Something else too. Confusion maybe?

I reach for her and pull her close. The sun breaks through the treetops, and I realize with a jolt she still has the smattering of freckles on her nose that she had when she was younger. She isn’t wearing makeup, and those tiny brown flecks dusted across her nose and cheeks hit me right in the gut.

“What?” she asks.

Her aqua eyes widen as she gazes up at me, and I feel something fierce, and it isn’t desire. It’s protective and powerful.

The way she looks now, stripped of her makeup and designer clothes, is ten years younger than she is and just as innocent.

It makes me want to wrap her in cotton wool and never hurt her again. Except, I’m going to hurt her, aren’t I? Even if she doesn’t care about hurting her family, which I think deep down she will, she’ll care that I set her up.

An acidic sourness settles in my stomach. It’s corrosive and bitter. Fuck.

I can’t do this.