Page 31 of Just a Little in Love

“Who told you you’d have to?”

Rowan opened his mouth, then closed it.

Gabriel could guess. “Then tell me this; if you prefer to wear them, why are you wearing pads that don’t fit?”

It took Rowan maybe two beats of Gabriel’s heart before he crumpled and broke into the most heart-rending sobs Gabriel had ever heard. He gathered Rowan up, towel and all, and carried him to the old stuffed armchair in the bedroom, sat, and clutched Rowan close. Every harsh sob was a knife to his heart. Every tremble, every cry, and eventually every whimper. Gabriel just hoped they sliced away some of the rot inside Rowan and even though they both bled, healing would happen.

When Rowan had quieted, he started talking without Gabriel’s prompting. “They’re the same size from when I first went.”

It took Gabriel a moment. “You mean from when you first got sick?”

Rowan nodded, and for another long moment, anger rendered Gabriel speechless. “I don’t get it, baby. You’re an adult now. How can they be still giving you the same size?”

Rowan shuffled in Gabriel’s arms, relaxing. “Because Mother said it encouraged me to lose weight.”

The cruelty of that statement blew Gabriel’s mind. No wonder. No fucking wonder Rowan thought he was fat. He was still trying to force his body into something made for a thirteen-year-old.

“Baby boy, can you remember the last time you actually needed your pads?”

Rowan stiffened. “It happens all the time.”

But Gabriel really didn’t think it did. “No, sweetheart, I mean specifically. Is there a time recently when you needed them, or your pants might have been wet?”

“After Master Paul,” Rowan mumbled into Gabriel’s chest.

So, stressful situations. Which made perfect sense. “And before that?” Gabriel asked gently.

Rowan thought. “I can’t remember.”

“Is nighttime worse? Are you worried you might need them when you’re asleep?”

He could almost feel Rowan thinking. “Sometimes. It’s just I never know.”

“Okay sweetheart, then this is what we’re going to do. For today, you’re not going to wear anything to let your skin breathe and heal. If you prefer something tonight, then we can order you something more lightweight, but your skin needs to recover.”

Rowan kept his liquid gaze on Gabriel’s. “No one cares.”

Fuck, he was breaking Gabriel’s heart. “Well, I do, baby boy,” Gabriel promised. “I do.” And he knew he always would.

Chapter sixteen

Rowan didn’t know whether to be excited, terrified, or simply throw up. Mother had drilled cleanliness into him like, well, Godliness he supposed, except he never remembered her going anywhere near a church or insisting he should either.

His pads had hurt and chafed for so long he was used to it. But Daddy was saying things…acting like he cared that they shouldn’t hurt. Could Rowan trust him? Deep-down do-or-die trust him?

“I know we haven’t been together long enough for you to trust me.”

Rowan startled, like Daddy had just plucked that thought from his brain. But he did. He trusted Daddy more than anyone, and he didn’t know why.

“Baby boy, we’re going to get some breakfast, then I want us to talk about what you want your life to look like, at least in the short term.” He helped Rowan to stand.

What did that mean? Rowan’s pulse picked up. Did that mean Daddy was getting sick of him already? Was he too needy?

“Baby,” Daddy paused and turned back to where Rowan had come to an abrupt halt. Daddy turned and closed the gap. His hand rested so gently on Rowan’s cheek, and Rowan turned and rubbed against his palm. He was so warm, so strong. “Stop worrying. I told you, I got this.” Rowan’s feet closed the gap of their own accord and he snuggled into the arms that surrounded him, sighing happily. He loved being called baby boy.

I could stay here all day.

“We need to get you something to eat.” Rowan stiffened. He couldn’t help it. Daddy steered Rowan to the table, but instead of sitting next to him, he pulled Rowan onto his lap.

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