Page 1 of Just a Little in Love

Chapter one

A single, solitary tear ran unchecked down Rowan’s face and he pressed the soft fur of his bear to his chest, gazed at his tiny, secret room, and tucked the teddy under the old comforter, knowing Bear would like the puppies on it. He worried for a second that Bear would be lonely, so he grabbed Frog off the shelf and tucked him in there as well. When he got back from the club he would sleep in here tonight. Father would never know. He doubted that man had been in this wing of the house since Rowan had been thirteen and Father had to have him brought home from school.

It hadn’t been the most embarrassing day of his life—Julian Crowther the Third had seen to that later—but it had been the day Rowan knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that his father didn’t love him.

Not that sometimes he wished Mother didn’t either, but at least staying here every weekend meant he was safely ignored, which was better than during the week when he only wished he was.

Rowan trembled a little as the memory tried to force its way in, but he pushed it back determinedly. Father kept his distance now, and no one knew about the secret hideaway behind the paneling. It had been his one escape.

He dressed discreetly, pulling a plain sweater over his Toy Story t-shirt, knowing it would be warm when he got to the club. After a few seconds’ deliberation, he decided not to take a spare. He wouldn’t be playing with anyone so he wouldn’t get a chance to get all sweaty. He’d still made sure he was clean though, just in case. Maybe he would see…No. Rowan had thought, hoped maybe, that when Daddy—Master Gabriel—had been so kind to him a few weeks ago when Matthew had been so mean that it meant something, but he must have been wrong. Really wrong. Master Gabriel hadn’t been near the little room for weeks. He looked up at the sound of a car horn beeping and knew it was his ride. Closing the door, he shrugged into his jacket because it was still cold in March in the evening, and hurried outside, carefully avoiding the study where he knew his father would now be on his second glass of wine.

“Hi Rowan.” Rowan smiled shyly at the older driver, Terry, that Adrian used to pick up the unaccompanied subs or littles. He had access to his own ride, but the driver worked for Father and would report where he went. He felt safer with a driver. Of course, he could drive as well, but the thought of getting any of his father’s cars out on his own in the dark made him feel a little sick. He never drove if he could help it. Ever. And certainly, never at his mother’s except to college and back.

Father was convinced his Friday nights involved meeting a study group. Rowan nearly laughed. He had two completely useless degrees already, but he supposed he would have to start a third soon as an excuse.

He knew his father didn’t know what to do with him. His physical problems in his father’s eyes meant he had been discounted as useless pretty much at the same time as the divorce. Not just the day his nightmare had begun.

The club was busy when he arrived. He loved Fridays with his friends, and even if they all had Mommies or Daddies now, they still liked to play with him. He quickly signed in, smiling at the sub manning the desk. Jay was a pain slut and for weeks Rowan had hardly dared look at him until one day Jay had walked up to him in the locker room and apologized.

Rowan had gazed at him in shock. “Why are you apologizing?” The words were out before Rowan realized it and he cringed automatically.

“Because I’ve obviously done something to upset you,” Jay had said carefully. “Either that or you think this is catching.” He tapped his bare chest and Rowan frowned in confusion.

“W-What?”

“Does Master Adrian know you’re a racist?”

Rowan paled, suddenly understanding what Jay meant by touching his skin. “Oh, oh no. I’m sorry.” Tears sprang to his eyes. “I would never.”

Jay tilted his head and gazed at him. “Then what did I do to you?”

“I—Nothing. You’re so strong. And the whips. And you…scare me,” Rowan mumbled, feeling his face flame.

Jay tilted his head and considered Rowan. If Rowan could have blushed any more he would have literally caught on fire. “Rowan, no Dom is going to think you like pain. You wear a band that says you don’t. Just because you talk to me doesn’t mean someone is going to get out a bull whip around you.” Rowan was looking at the floor and wishing he could disappear into it, but at Jay’s gentle tone he peeked up. Jay was smiling and he cautiously smiled back.

“That’s better. I have a scene but maybe when I’m done we can get a juice and chat?” Jay nudged him. Rowan nodded in excitement. He had a new friend.

Rowan walked into the empty locker room and quickly took off his sweater and put it away. Master Adrian had said he was allowed to go in the little room on his own now, something usually littles were only allowed to do when accompanied by their Daddies or Mommies. It made him feel trusted and special.

Or pathetic. It could easily be that. He stopped suddenly as he left the locker room. Was it that? Was Master Adrian taking pity on him? Did he know Rowan would never get a Daddy, so he just felt sorry for him? Oh no. Rowan swallowed. He couldn’t. What if the other littles felt the same? What if they weren’t really his friends and just felt sorry for him? He had to leave. He had to. He whirled around and nearly walked right into Daddy Caleb.

“Hey Rowan, where are you in a rush to?”

“Hi Rowan,” Max smiled and then he glanced down. “This is Shay.” Rowan’s eyes fell on the guy in the wheelchair, who was gazing up at Rowan.

“Hi,” he whispered. Shay smiled a little but looked really nervous.

“Are you coming into the little room?” Daddy Caleb continued as if there was nothing wrong. Was he? Max smiled and opened the door for them all to go through into the club and Rowan immediately saw Master Gabriel had a sub kneeling at his feet.

“I’m on the door.” Rowan blurted.

Daddy Caleb frowned a little but nodded. “We’ll see you soon then.”

He wasn’t but knew whoever was there wouldn’t mind if they got relieved early. All the subs took a turn on the door, and he knew Master Adrian didn’t make them do it because they couldn’t afford the membership fees. If they really had problems, Master Adrian worked something out; no, it was so the shyer subs had to actually meet people even if it was just Doms coming in and out. But to Rowan, it was a way to escape so he wouldn’t seem to be on his own. So he wouldn’t seem quite as pathetic.

He rushed out and smiled at Pete. Pete grinned and jumped down. “You’re a life saver. I just got asked to go talk to Master Shaw when I’m free.” Rowan’s eyebrows rose.

“Wow, well better not keep him waiting then.” Master Shaw was apparently a legend. He’d just moved from the UK and had a really good reputation as a Dom. Of course, all the subs were obsessed with the new guy. He’d been here three weeks and had not so much as picked up a flogger. Not that Rowan wanted a flogger anywhere near him. He huffed to himself. The thought of a flogger was frightening, but it was the thought of him being naked with anyone that made him want to be sick.

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