Page 34 of Of Snow and Sapphire

She shuddered as she slipped it onto her finger. It fit perfectly. “I will never forget you.” Then, she leaned forward, pressing her lips against his cold ones. He would spend his whole afterlife dreaming of the heat of her. The Gods would never hear the end of how special this woman was.

She let go of him, but it was like pulling teeth to get them apart. Their souls had always been entwined, but they needed to be severed forever now.

“I love you,” she said as the last of them separated.

“I love you,” he said as he closed his eyes, releasing her do what always had to be done.

Nineteen

Ludelle could barely carry herself as she went. But she did. Because if she really had a choice, then her choice was ripping Balvan’s heart out. He would not survive. Whatever trick he thought he had figured out would fail. She would make sure of it.

All the trust that she and her ancestors had placed on such a role had been obliterated in a blink. If she made it out of this alive, she would make sure that no more celebrations would be held in honor of the advisors. They would work for her, not with her anymore.

She swiped back her hair, not realizing that she had Zimyn’s blood all over her hands— the crimson staining her bone-white palms. She didn’t care that she looked savage and unwieldy, the opposite of the picture-perfect Queen she aimed to be. Let the Weather Gods look down on her and know that she fought hard for this, and that she wasn’t yet done. She would tear this whole test down for hurting the one person that she wanted to protect.

The Heart slowed its thudding as she got further away from Zimyn, or hopefully, closer to Balvan.

Her anger almost made her miss the noise that sounded from behind her. A cough. One she knew too well. One she would guarantee she would never hear again.

Ludelle creeped slowly as she popped her head on the other side to see if she was correct. Balvan was leaning casually against the wall, bored and not a scratch on him, as he inspected his nails. He was out of his usual formal garb and in his own set of fighting leathers. Ludelle had never realized how toned he was under all those baggier clothes, that even in his older age, he clearly still trained.

Before she could throw herself at him and end his life, he said casually, “It’s not what you think.”

She scoffed. “What else am I supposed to think? Cirrus is dead and Zimyn is seconds away from it.”

He stepped towards her, but he couldn’t get very far—as if phantom hands held him back. He couldn’t touch her. Not until she decided that she wanted him to. That revelation was the most freeing moment of her life because what everyone had told her was true: ultimately, the choice was hers. This entire maze was full of choices. Now she needed to end it.

“You have always been so blinded by your own needs and wants.”

She narrowed her eyes as she stepped closer and closer, one foot slowly in front of the other. He didn’t look scared, just resigned to his fate. Almost as if he were ready for it.

“Tell. Me. The. Truth,” she bit out, her claws now out and ready to strike. “Why are you here?”

He slid down the icy wall and sat down. “So you can have your love, and I can find my way back to mine.”

Ludelle stopped, the fog of bloodlust dissipated. “What do you mean?” she gritted out. The lack of clear explanation grinded on her bones.

“Zimyn believes that I want to be your consort. Let him. I taunted him to think that I was the villain here so that he would agree to enter. Don’t tell him that I wanted to die here, that I killed Cirrus for my own personal revenge, but also so that I could replace him.” At her stunned silence, he continued, “You can have Zimyn. He’ll believe you killed me in his honor and he would forgive you for it. He would stay as your consort forever. I will die and go back to Olana.”

“My grandmother?” Her shoulders slackened as the reality of what he was saying was hitting her.

He nodded, his eyes watering now. “I loved her and she loved me, but we could never be together, not with me as her advisor.”

Ludelle didn’t believe him. “That cannot be.”

“I’m not here so you can question our love,” he snapped and his voice echoed around the frosty chamber. “I’m here so you can have yours. Take it or not, but time is running out.”

“What revenge?” she asked.

“Pardon?”

“What personal revenge led you to kill Cirrus?”

Balvan’s jaw tensed, as if lost in a memory that angered him. “Your grandfather once tried to overthrow Olana. He made a deal with Cirrus’ own grandfather—they came to some kind of agreement that would benefit the court. It forced your grandmother to step down from her position prematurely. Cirrus’ family is not a good one, and Olana made me promise to keep you away from them.”

It all made sense now, why Balvan pushed her away from Lord Cirrus, why he would rather her marry Zimyn over the Lord, even if it wasn’t the strategic match.

“Your grandmother always knew that Zimyn made you happy, and she always hoped you could be together. I told her it was the wrong direction, but she was insistent that you’d both change the court for the better. I never aimed to fulfill that wish for her, but events unfolded that way.” He shrugged, but turned stern. “Now, make your choice.”

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