Page 159 of The Promise Of You

I fear I’ll never know the truth. Recent events have shown I’m not a good judge of character.

I need to do this, for my own good.

We don’t say anything. We just look at each other for too long moments, as if we’re both afraid of what must come now.

He doesn’t try to kiss me. He looks at me with concern and care. Then he takes my hand.

He’s going to break up with me.

I know it.

It’s what needs to happen.

It doesn’t make the pain any less, but it comforts me.

This is what we need to do. Two mature adults, doing what’s right.

God it hurts. Why does doing the right thing need to hurt so much?

Justin guides me to the railing overlooking The Green, leans on it, his arm loosely around my back, just so I’ll stay here and listen to him, it seems.

“This used to be my favorite spot. My favorite time of day,” he says in a deep, gravelly voice. The sun has dipped, bathing Emerald Creek in a glow of peace and quiet. “The witching hour. Me standing here, looking down at The Green, at my friends, my community. My world.”

The light is truly magical tonight. There’s a live band playing covers. The townspeople, many of them my friends as well, are sitting on blankets or swaying to the music, clapping and singing along.

I’ll miss them too.

“But my world is different now. It’s bigger and wider.”

My heart dips. Although I know what he’s going to say—a child on the way, a family to build—although I’ve talked myself into being reasonable, I’m barely able to stand on my legs while my world falls apart.

“I want to show you how different it is,” he adds.

Oh no. God, can this please end now? “I don’t think—I can’t. Please.” I steady myself on the railing, bracing myself to walk out of his life.

He takes my hand again. “Clover. Come with me.” And the way he says it, the way he says Clover, I would follow him anywhere, let him do anything to me, go through hell and back.

And that scares the shit out of me. That I could have a love this strong that just a few words from him and all my resolve goes up in smoke, consumed by the crazy love I’ve had for him since our first kiss in an elevator.

Moose following us, Justin takes me to his truck, drives us out of Emerald Creek through North Bridge, over hill after hill bathed in deep golden hues. We pass the turn for his parents’ farm, continue through meadows, over brooks, past old barns still standing. At the bottom of a hill, a wooden sign indicates ‘The Queen’s Knoll’, and Justin says, “We’re here,” but he keeps driving steeply up the hill, on a narrowing dirt road meandering under a canopy of trees, darkness slowly shrouding us.

The dirt path ends, and we stop at the edge of the woods. We’ve been climbing so much, my ears pop. Justin shuts the engine off and steps out of the truck. He quickly rounds it to open my door and lifts me off the seat as if I weighed nothing. My hands find their natural place on his shoulders, and our eyes lock as he twirls me and sets me on the soft grass, the sweet smell of summer soothing me like a slow poison.

God I’m going to miss him.

His throat bobs as he takes my hand and walks me to the very top of the hill. Moose suddenly takes off to follow some animal trail.

“Justin, what—”

“I showed you my world the way it used to be. The way I used to love it.” His hand is firmly clasped around mine, his energy soft yet resolute as he pulls me up on the last of the dirt path. “But things change. People change.”

My heart bleeds for him too. He doesn’t deserve this.

We reach the top of the hill, our silence filled by the trills and hoots and chirps and buzzing of a million insects and small animals. The woods are far behind us now, the sunlit sky blazing crimson, the earth beneath it golden. In front of us, a vast open field spreads out, with views as far as the eye can see—faraway mountains in shades of grays and blues, the silver sky shining its pure openness over us.

As I take this beauty all in, Justin shifts behind me and sets his hands on my shoulders. “This is my queen’s knoll.”

I saw the sign at the bottom. It said The Queen’s Knoll. I’m still confused as to why we’re here. “It’s beautiful. So peaceful.”

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