Page 100 of Never Let You Go

What was it she said, earlier? “Anytime I got under a guy’s skin, it wasn’t the good kind of getting-under-his-skin. You’re safe with me. You’re not gonna get attached.”

I hate that she feels this way about herself, and in that moment, I wish I could give her everything she needs and deserves.

I stare at the ceiling, gently stroking her hair, like the fool I am. I don’t want to think about the guys she dated before me.

I tuck her closer to me.

I don’t really want to think, either, about how different this was from anything I’ve ever experienced. How could I ever want anyone else?

I’ll never get enough of her.

She feels fucking made for me, even though I’m trying to stay on the surface. Unconnected.

As I lean over to brush my lips to her temple before heading back to my bedroom, I wish I could just lock her up here. Wall the main staircase in. Keep her like this chick from Skye’s storybook, locked in my tower.

I’m already attached.

twenty-seven

Alexandra

Once we get started on work later that day, Christopher is quiet. He focuses on Skye, as if he feels guilty and is trying to compensate. She got a small part in the spring show , and he’s helping her memorize her lines.

I love seeing his interaction with her. He’s funny but strict, forgiving yet demanding. I didn’t grow up with a father, and seeing them interact could be bittersweet to me, but it’s not.

It’s uplifting, and I can’t get enough of it.

But I understand how important it is that this unique relationship be protected, and I would hate to cast a shadow on it. Skye is a perceptive child, so I keep my distance from Christopher when she’s home.

They have their family dynamic, and I need to stay out of it, even if they’re constantly including me like I’m family. I can’t let myself fantasize about a life like that.

Later that week, I decide to send Barbara a selfie of me in my baker garb. She’ll get a chuckle out of it. I send it from my phone to her work email, so it’s easier for her to print. She’ll like having it pinned to the corkboard she keeps next to her desk with all her memos and reminders.

I upload the photo, add a quick note, and hit send.

Then I put the kettle on for tea. Christopher went to pick up Skye at school, so the place is quiet for now. I pour my tea and enjoy the moment. The warmth of the kitchen. The clock ticking the seconds away. Snow lazily falling outside. My manual open in front of me. I’m memorizing processes, but then my thoughts drift to Barbara and I check my phone.

The email came back. Invalid email address.

I used the email I always use for her. Maybe they have a firewall now that prevents external emails? That wouldn’t be very helpful. Just in case, I log into my work email.

Access denied.

Ugh.

It must be some technical issue, so I text Carlos who works in IT at Red Barn’s Headquarters.

I take a sip of my piping hot tea while I wait for his answer.

Carlos IT:

Sorry, Alex. Me and a bunch of others were laid off this week. How’s Vermont?

Whaaat? Why laid off?

They don’t need a reason. At will employment. Shit got real after you left. Gotta go, interview for new job now :) wish me luck

I send him a hug emoji and a four-leafed clover emoji right as Skye barges in from school, pecks my cheek and washes her hands, momentarily distracting me from the stunning news.

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