Page 162 of Never Let You Go

I have nothing to say to that. I look out the window to the trees now full and green. To the window boxes at the bakery. It was Alexandra who arranged them this year, a colorful bunch that match her nature.

“What’s holding you back?”

The stab in my chest every time she tells me no. “She can’t stay.”

“Bullshit. She’ll stay if you give her a reason to.”

News flash: I’m not a good enough reason to stay here. “I’m not going to take her to church, it that’s what you mean.”

“Look, man,” he says, his voice low so no one can hear us. “I know you swore off women after what… that bitch did to you. But you need to get out of that funk. You need to see what’s right in front of you. Don’t you see how she’s good for you? And for Skye? Since she’s been here… you’re… you’re alive again. And your kid? Are you thinking about your kid?”

“Yeah, I am.” I’m angry that he’s lecturing me. “That’s why we were never supposed to be anything.”

“Don’t.”

“Don’t what?”

“Don’t pretend that this is nothing.”

“It is nothing.” Despite what I’ve decided already, it’s near impossible for me to talk feelings with Justin.

“I thought you were better than that. If I had a woman like her, if she’d look at me the way she looks at you, hell… I’d never let her go. I’d have proposed already. Hell, I’d probably have a bun in her oven already. Look at her.”

Alexandra is stepping out of the bakery, making a beeline for the pub, her short dress flowing around her, showing her toned legs, cinching her waist. My heart stops, and I avert my gaze.

“Don’t you talk about her like that.”

“What? You said you didn’t care about her. You talked trash about her. Now you have a problem?”

“I didn’t—”

Anger flares from his eyes. “You said she was nothing to you. Look at her, and tell me you won’t do what it takes to keep her.” He gathers our empty glasses and stands.

Alexandra is steps from the pub’s outdoor terrace. She smiles to no one in particular, just happy to be here. Sauntering toward me. She has this aura of happiness, of goodness, that’s above and beyond all the sexiness she radiates.

“You don’t fucking deserve her, man,” he says before making his way back to the bar. Easy for him to say that. He can have anyone he wants.

I ball my fists at him, ready to pounce, the rage I thought I’d tamed years ago suddenly springing back to life inside me.

Alexandra swooshes inside the pub, and Justin grabs her by the waist with his free hand, pulling her against him and giving her a long kiss on the cheek. He whispers something in her ear, and she laughs then makes her way to me, long hair flowing, cheeks rosy, eyes shining for me.

During dinner, I let her do most of the talking. She’s excited about her friend, Sarah, coming. Tomorrow, she’ll be going to Burlington to meet her, and they’ll spend some time there. By the time they get back, I’ll be gone for the competition, and that will bring us to when she takes her exam and no longer has any reason to stay here. Even though she said she’d ask for an extension of her stay, it’s the end.

Tonight could be our last night together, just the two of us.

I think back to what Craig and Lynn told me when we were there for Mother’s Day, and what Justin said, just now.

They’re right. It’s past time for me to get my head out of my ass and do something.

I’ll open up to her. I’ll tell her I love her.

She’ll say it back.

And, then, we’ll figure it out.

Once I know what’s so important in New York, I can work out a way for her to stay here. Or lay it to rest—there’s always that possibility. But, at least, I’d know.

I’d know what was so much better over there than right here in my arms.

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