Page 154 of Never Let You Go

Great.

forty-four

Alexandra

I’m grateful it’s Game Night again. I’ve been going on and off, and I really need it tonight. There’s just too much being thrown at me, right now. I need time off.

I grab a glass of wine and choose to sit next to Laura, Skye’s teacher. “Can I ask you a question?” I say once we’ve exhausted the topics of weather and the play, and we’re on our second glass of wine. There’s something that’s been bugging me, and I didn’t know how to bring it up. The wine helps.

“Sure!” Laura smiles, puts her glass down, and clasps her hands, giving me her whole attention.

“This… Mother’s Day thing?”

She nods.

“What about kids like Skye, who don’t have a mother in their life?” I’m trying to keep this matter-of-fact, but my voice betrays me.

“Mm-hm.” Laura nods. “It’s—It’s tough.”

That’s it? “What do you do about it?” I frown but try to keep my voice soft. The last thing Skye needs is for me to antagonize her teacher.

“Every child is different, and every situation is different. I discuss it with the guardians or the single parent. Whatever may be the case. We come up with a plan for how to address this for the child.”

“Skye seemed—and I know it’s not my place—but she seemed… annoyed?”

Laura’s gaze leaves mine, as if she’s wondering how to answer this. “First off, it is your place to raise a concern if you see one. I’m of the It takes a village philosophy, and your bringing this up to me confirms how much you care about her. It’s wonderful that she has you in her life. But, to answer your question, and without infringing on the family’s privacy… how do I put it? I hope Chris won’t hold it against me to share this with you.”

She takes a breath, collecting her thoughts. “Although Skye has no legal mother, she knows how babies are made, and that she comes from a woman. And, from what I understand, Chris never encouraged her to hold bad feelings against her. Instead, he made it clear that it was okay for her to honor the person who gave birth to her if she chose to. And, if she’d rather not, she could honor anyone else who had been important to her that year. He made it so it was a celebration of the life she was given. The life she’s currently living. Does that make sense?”

Tears line my eyelids. “But—But doesn’t she miss her?”

Laura places her hand on top of mine. “You can’t miss what you never had, Alex. Like I said, it’s different for every child. For every person without a mother. We each have our own story, and we each deal with our losses. Skye doesn’t have a loss. She might have questions, and maybe there’s latent abandonment issues? But I’d be surprised. She seems very healthy psychologically, as far as I can tell. As far as I know, each year the gift she makes goes to someone close in her life. Chris might have a couple of noodle necklaces, Grace some ceramic vases. I believe her first finger painting is still in Justin’s office.” She stays silent for a beat, and then, she adds, “How did you deal with your loss?”

My jaw drops. How does she know? “Small village,” she says, answering my silent question.

“I’m still trying to deal with it,” I admit. “Therapy.” I roll my eyes then shrug an apology. “It does help, I’m not going to lie. But it’s been so long, and the hole is still there. It’s… hard. And Mother’s Day makes it…”

“I can imagine. But one last thing to keep in mind about Skye. You’ve become a very important person in her life.” Her eyes narrow on me. “You’re going to have to figure out a way to stay in her life after you leave.”

The rest of the evening goes by in a blur. I’m trapped. What will Skye think of me once she knows I lied to her father, to everyone? How will this impact her as a person? I know what Laura said is true. I have become an important person in Skye’s life. I do care about how this will impact her emotionally.

I need to tell Christopher. I need to come clean to everyone. Explain my motivations.

It won’t be easy, but I’ll explain that I’ll be staying here, in Emerald Creek.

It’s still me, Alexandra. It was always me, they just didn’t know it.

If they loved me then, they’ll still love me now, right? I haven’t changed. It’s what they know of me that has changed. And they won’t judge.

They’re good people. They’ll understand.

I’ll tell Christopher.

But I’ll wait until after the competition is over, so he can keep his focus. And so the news doesn’t come out. He’d hate that. Contestant Christopher Wright’s apprentice is Red Barn Baking heir.

God he’d hate that.

I have to wait.

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