Page 40 of Glad You're Here

I narrowed my eyes, feeling frustrated now. We still hadn’t talked about that last morning in Durango. I convinced myself we didn’t need to talk about it, but clearly, we did. “I never slept with her!”

Thea paused with one hiking boot in her hand. “Yeah, I don’t believe you.”

She responded exactly how I thought she would. “Why? I’m telling the truth. Not every guy is a lying asshole.” I frowned at her, my fingers digging into the edge of the mattress.

“Sure. Okay, Levi. Why didn’t you sleep with her?” Her accusing eyes bore into me, and I could tell she thought I was full of shit.

I stood and paced the length of our hotel room, ready to lay it all out there and have Thea write me off as too messed up, too broken. I let out a deep breath and ran my hands through my hair. “I couldn’t! She kissed me, and I didn’t even enjoy it. I was drunk off my ass, but that woman started taking her clothes off, and I was so uncomfortable that I pretended to fall asleep and had a silent panic attack! Thea, I am so conditioned against sex that I couldn’t even enjoy it when you, the actual woman of my dreams, undressed in front of me. At first, I felt all hot and turned on, and then this crushing guilt swooped in, killing any chance of intimacy.”

I forced myself to look her in the eye. Full of shame and self-loathing, I said, “Look, I get it if that’s too much to deal with. You deserve a guy who can sweep you off your feet and give you what you need in bed, not some broken, weird ex-cult member that can’t even handle seeing you naked.”

Her expression remained unreadable as she watched me fall to pieces and allow a few tears to slip out. What a sad sack of shit I was. “I’m so broken. I want you, but I can’t even touch you without shattering into a million pieces of guilt and anxiety.” My voice trembled, and I tore my eyes away from hers, unable to handle seeing what she thought of my humiliating display.

I sat back on the edge of the bed and rested my head in my hands, staring at the pale green carpet in our hotel room. At least I’d forced myself to stop crying.

Suddenly, I felt Thea’s gentle weight on the bed beside me and the soft stroke of her fingers through the hair at the base of my neck. “Hey,” she said, her voice as smooth as silk, “I’m sorry, Levi. I didn’t even think about your trauma. I was so wrapped up in my insecurities that I got angry when you weren’t ready for what I thought we needed.” She pressed a soft kiss to my cheek. “Your reaction wasn’t about me.”

I caught her gaze, feeling so relieved that she understood. “It wasn’t about you at all. You’re so hot, Thea. I have so much shit to work through.” I hurried to add, “You don’t have to wait around for me to figure it out.”

Thea rolled her eyes and stood. “I’ve got you, Levi.” Then she sat down suddenly with her hand over her mouth and eyes wide. “I laughed when my ex asked if we were dating. I hurt you, didn’t I?” Her eyes filled with concern.

I met her gaze, then looked back down at my lap. “Uh, yeah,” I admitted.

Thea sighed. “I’m sorry. I wasn’t laughing at you. I laughed because I couldn’t picture myself dating anyone. I wasn’t in a good place.”

I smiled weakly and reached over to take her hand. “It’s okay.”

She gave me a thoughtful look and almost whispered, “You’re a good person.” Then she went to the mirror outside the bathroom and brushed her damp hair. “Take a shower, and then let’s order pizza and watch movies.” She turned to smile at me. “I will stay on my bed all night, but you have an open invitation to join me. If you slip into my bed, it can be for kisses or cuddles. It doesn’t have to be sex.”

And almost as soon as it began, my nightmare ended. She understood. She didn’t run out the door to get far away from me. She didn’t blame me for anything that happened between us in September and owned her part of our fight. All pressure was off, and the tightening in my chest finally loosened. “You don’t think I’m insane?” I forced myself to look her in the eye while I awaited her answer.

Thea threw her head back and laughed. “Of course, I think you’re insane! That’s why I like you so damn much!” She returned to where I sat on the bed and took my face in both hands. “You are the sexiest, funniest, kindest, most perfect weirdo I’ve ever met, and I’m here for all of it, okay?”

“Okay.” I smiled. I couldn’t believe I’d had a breakdown only ten minutes ago, and I already felt like smiling again.

“And dude, don’t worry about your strange little traumas. You found my mostly fake suicide notes and didn’t even bat an eye. If that’s not a deal-breaker, then neither is your fear of sex. We’ll figure it out.” She kissed my nose and then collapsed on the other bed.

True to her word, she stayed there all evening until finally turning off the light and announcing her intent to sleep like the dead. “This day exhausted me. Night, sexy.”

“Sleep tight, Thea.” I didn’t know how to call her a cute pet name. Sweet talking was as unnatural to me now as walking into a bar had been six months ago.

I listened to Thea’s soft breathing in the dark and thought about her stunning smile and gorgeous eyes. I thought about the feeling of her lips on mine. She’d described it as home, but it felt more like lightning to me. I wanted to experience it again and had no reason to feel guilty about it.

I threw off my covers and slid into Thea’s bed, heart racing. It didn’t have to be sex. I could hold her and kiss her with no guilt.

As soon as I wrapped my arms around her beautiful, warm body, she snuggled into me and whispered. “I’m glad you’re here.” Thea rested a palm on my chest directly over my heart. After a moment, she asked, “Why is your heart beating so fast?”

I let out a slow breath. “Because I really fucking like you.”

Thea laughed. “You say ‘fuck’ like a pro now.” She tipped her face up to look at me. “I really fucking like you, too.”

I crashed my lips down on hers without another thought. She kissed me back with an intensity that left me breathless, filling me with her fire. I tangled my hands in her silky, purple hair, exploring her lips with mine— slow, sensual kisses, rough, passionate ones, gentle, biting, sweet, hot. I couldn’t get enough.

Thea sighed against my lips. “Damn, Levi. You’re a good kisser. You’ve got me feeling things down in the soul I didn’t know I still had.”

I laughed and nibbled on her lower lip. “Stop pretending like you’re some soulless swamp creature. You’re a goddess, Thea.”

Thea’s silence made me feel like I’d said something incredibly idiotic. I shouldn’t have tried sweet talking. But then she straddled me in bed and kissed me with all the fire she possessed. I ignited and gripped her hips, letting my erection press into her. Her fire swallowed up my guilt for being so filled with desire and lust— burned it all away.

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