Page 32 of Glad You're Here

Thea made a tsking noise. “Um, no. Your mom needs to apologize to you. Also, sometimes disappointing people is fun. Hey, you should add that to your list!”

I laughed and shook my head. “I’ve already done that one several times.” I said the next words without thinking, “I’ve even disappointed you.” I still hadn’t told her I never slept with the brunette. It never came up naturally in a conversation. Maybe I could tell her now.

There was a long pause before she answered. “Eh. No, you didn’t. I tend to overreact. It’s my only flaw.” Someone in the background spoke to her, and she continued. “Hey, I have to go. One of Lenny’s bartenders called in sick, and she needs a hand tonight. I’ll talk to you soon, okay?”

“Yeah, okay. Talk to you soon.” Thea ended the call first, and I headed to my apartment feeling better and worse. I didn’t need to answer my father’s text, but Thea still had my head spinning. She was the warmth to my cold, the courage to my fear, the laughter to my sadness, but at the same time, the ache to my loneliness and the confusion to my clarity.

My head had been spinning since the moment I met her. Would it ever stop?

Not unless I told her how I felt.

Another uneventful week passed, and then I got a call from Gina. She sold our house after she married Colton and moved in with him. She got more than expected from the sale and said she felt dishonest keeping it all. My ex-wife wanted to give me my share of the money. I told her I didn’t want it, but she insisted.

Now, Gina stood in my doorway, and it felt like an out-of-body experience. She clutched her brown leather bag with one hand and smoothed her pink pea coat with the other. Her black slacks were perfectly pressed, as always. I felt like I’d transformed multitudes in the last eight months since our divorce, but Gina remained unchanged.

I wondered if she still worked as a credit union assistant manager now that she was a mother. She’d always wanted to stay home with the kids and had secretly hated her career.

“Hi, Brigham.” Her smile was hesitant, and our eye contact felt almost painful. Gina’s eyes moved from my face to the tiny slice of tattoo visible beneath my sleeve. They lingered there, full of familiar disappointment, until I spoke.

“Hey, Gina. Come in.” I held the door open to welcome her into my apartment and out of the early February cold.

“Oh, no! I’m not staying long.” She tucked her straight blonde hair behind her ears. “I’m only dropping off the check that we talked about.”

Gina unzipped her purse and pulled out her pale pink wallet — the one my mother gave her for Christmas three years ago. She slipped out a neatly folded check and handed it over, careful not to let our fingers touch.

“Thanks, Gina. You didn’t have to do this.” I held up the check.

“Of course.” Gina sighed and smoothed her coat again. “Brigham, I… well, I spoke to Becca the other day, and she told me you didn’t show up for Christmas dinner. She said you don’t answer calls or texts either. It’s killing your mother. Are you doing alright?” Her eyes briefly darted to meet mine before falling back to her plain black flats.

Of course, Gina still talked to my brother’s wife. Gina probably spoke to my entire family more than I did. I rubbed the back of my neck. “I’ve told my family repeatedly what I need from them to have a relationship. That’s up to them now.” I’d worked hard to convince myself of that over the past few weeks.

Gina frowned. “But, they’re your family, Brigham. You can’t shut them out because you chose to turn your back on everything you were taught.”

I inwardly groaned. Gina and I had had this exact fight hundreds of times. I took a deep breath and answered her original question. “Gina, I’m doing fantastic. I’m happier than I’ve ever been in my life.” Despite the occasional anxiety and guilt that reared their ugly heads, I truly was happy. I loved graphic design. I loved hiking, even when the weather sucked. I loved drinking coffee in my underwear on Sunday mornings. I loved not speaking to my family. I loved talking to Thea on the phone every night. Green eyes and purple hair filled my mind, and I couldn’t stop the grin from spreading across my face. “Seriously, I’m great.”

“Oh, Brigham.” Gina blinked at me, pure pity and skepticism on her face. Finally, it didn’t bother me. Mormons were taught that sinners like me were incapable of feeling true happiness. Maybe she’d understand someday, but it was no longer my job to convince her.

“I go by Levi now.” I’d decided that I sure as hell couldn’t be Brigham anymore, so Thea’s name for me stuck. When Gina only frowned in confusion, I smiled and said, “Good to see you, Gina, and thanks for the check. I hope you’re happy, too.” I wrapped up the conversation and closed the door on my ex-wife with a friendly wave.

Not every ending had to be sad, did it?

I unfolded the check and raised my eyebrows at the amount. I was expecting maybe $20k, but I held a check for $85k instead. It wasn’t enough to change my life, but it was enough for a fresh start. The rest would be up to me.

My phone rang as I contemplated quitting my job, buying an RV, and traveling the country doing every noteworthy hike under the sun.

“Three weeks!” Thea yelled into the phone as soon as I answered.

Our national parks road trip was in three weeks. We’d been planning it since Thea suggested it. We’d worked out that the North Rim would be our starting point. From there, we’d head up to Bryce Canyon, followed by Zion, then Arches, and ending in Colorado, where I’d drop Thea off and head back to Utah on my own.

“Are you even ready for this, Thea?” I smiled and collapsed onto my couch, feeling lighter than I had in months. “Did you get all the hotels booked?” I was in charge of routes and food, and Thea was in charge of hotels.

“Uh… about that.” I imagined Thea biting her full lower lip. I imagined her lips a lot lately. “I was able to get two rooms for Zion and Bryce Canyon. I guess Arches is a popular spring break destination, and I could only book one room at the closest hotel. I did look at a few farther hotels, but their room rates were even higher for some reason, and it would take us way over budget. What do you think?”

I paused and glanced down at the check still in my hand. Over budget didn’t matter anymore. I almost offered to pay for the more expensive rooms but found myself saying, “One room is fine.”

“Are you sure?” Thea sounded nervous, almost, but that didn’t match Miss Confident Goddess’s personality.

“Yeah, I’m fine with it if you’re fine with it. If it makes you uncomfortable, though, I’ll pay the extra.” She was on a fluctuating budget with her art commissions. Some months, she made a killing, and others, she made almost nothing. I knew February had been a slow month for her so far.

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