Page 9 of Glad You're Here

Gamble

Get addicted to coffee

Watch an R-rated movie

Attend a punk rock concert

Watch porn

Masturbate

Have a one-night-stand

I paused before writing the last thing on my list. It made me feel like a jerk, and it would kill Gina if she knew, but I’d made a commitment to authenticity when I left the church. I wrote: Fall in love and capped the Sharpie.

Church leaders counseled Gina and me that any good Mormon boy and any good Mormon girl could build a successful marriage with God at the center. Gina and I had known each other since we were kids. We liked each other, but we never shared love.

I exaggeratedly sighed and slid my list across the table to Thea. She greedily snatched it up, and I watched her pale, emerald eyes sparkle with delight as she read each item. “Oh, Levi, this is worse than I thought!” Thea grinned. “You poor, poor child! Okay, no way am I helping you with any sex or love stuff, but I feel like we can make everything else happen.” She turned the list back to me and pointed to the first thing. “Dude, this one’s easy. Stand up and yell fuck at the top of your lungs. No one will even hear you.”

“My older brother got his mouth washed out with soap for saying that dirty word.” I laughed and made light of it, but the memory traumatized me. I could still see the rage in my mother’s eyes as she scrubbed, and I could hear the gags and cries of my much cooler, tougher brother.

Thea raised a single eyebrow. “My aunt said, ‘Atta girl, let it out,’ the first time I said it at age seven.”

I laughed. “We come from very different worlds, Thea.”

“That we do.” Thea patted my hand with an almost sympathetic smile. “Okay, on the count of three, yell fuck.” She held up a finger to start the countdown. “One…”

My heart raced as she counted down. It’d been beaten into me never to use curse words or unclean language. I’d thought the word, but would my mouth even form it?

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