Page 21 of Glad You're Here

I didn’t turn. This friendship wasn’t going to work. I had feelings, she didn’t, and my trip to Durango would be over in two days. I had a whole mess of a life to figure out back in Cedar City, Utah. I might as well get a move on that.

A few seconds later, Thea managed to catch up with me. She shoved my arm and yelled again, “What the hell? I had to talk to my awful ex to get you that appointment! And you’re going to walk out like an asshole? I told you that you didn’t have to do it! Why did you agree to it?” Rain beaded on her gorgeous face and dampened her twisted Viking princess braid. She’d left her yellow umbrella in Blane’s studio.

He’d be more than happy to return it to her later.

I thought about answering Thea’s question, but then her laugh replayed in my head—the sound she made when she thought about us together. Knife in my fucking heart. I kept walking.

“Seriously?” She shouted at my back. “This is how you want to play things all of a sudden? I spend two weeks doing shit for you, and now I get the silent treatment?”

Finally, I turned. The rain fell harder now, soaking straight through my light jacket. “Stop doing shit for me then. I’m not a sad little charity case. I don’t need your pity or your help.” I kept my voice level and calm. My stony expression didn’t falter, even when I saw the shock and hurt in Thea’s eyes.

Her mouth opened and then closed, jaw tight. Drenched tendrils of purple hair that had escaped her braid stuck to her forehead. Thea shivered slightly and folded her arms — her signal that our conversation had reached its end. Then she turned and walked right back to Blane’s studio.

Good. Let her fall into his strong, “super talented” arms right where she belonged.

Fantastic.

I stormed back to my hotel room and paced around it, leaving soggy, wet footprints all over the carpet. I seethed with rage, but it didn’t belong to Thea. This red, hot fury was directed at none other than yours truly.

How did I end up here? I came to Durango to figure myself out, and here I sat, more twisted up and confused than ever. The church that molded me still tortured my mind. My heart still ached for something childish like unconditional love. But maybe that was as big a lie as god.

I ripped off my jacket and tossed it on the floor, followed by the rest of my clothes. I turned on the shower and stepped in without waiting for the water to warm. I let the icy flow hit my shoulders, back, and face. Instead of extinguishing my rage, the cold water seemed to ignite it, to fill every cell in my body with it.

“FUCK!” I screamed and turned off the water. I left the shower and stopped in front of the mirror. Who was I? My reflection used to be so sure of itself, so sure that Joseph Smith was the only true prophet of God in the latter days, so sure that heaven not only existed but also consisted of three kingdoms of glory, so sure that God and Jesus Christ loved me.

I knew what my life would bring and that I would feel blessed at each stage.

I thought that I loved Gina.

I believed that I would always be Brigham Levi Thomspon, a proud member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.

But all of that was wrong. Now, I was Levi because some random girl in a bar decided I should be. Now, I was unsure of everything.

Maybe I was as lost as they all said.

I wrapped a towel around my waist and headed for my suitcase. I should go home and pick up whatever pieces of my life remained— carve out some existence for myself. I tossed my suitcase on the bed, and the motion caused the napkin on the nightstand to flutter.

I picked it up and rolled my eyes. I’d had a lot of fun with Thea the past few days, but the list was childish. No wonder she treated me like a sad little project.

My eyes settled on Have a one-night stand. I shouldn’t—or maybe I should. Maybe I’d cross off one more thing before I left.

I dressed and headed out to any bar but The Station. The one I ended up in was called Silver Bullet. Now, I only needed to get sufficiently drunk and find a woman lonely enough to hook up with me. She couldn’t be a blonde like Gina. Luckily, avoiding stunning goddesses with purple hair like Thea wouldn’t be hard. She was one of a kind.

I downed a double shot of Jamison with minimal coughing, then tried a beer. I couldn’t figure out why people voluntarily drank beer, but I powered through. Next, I tried red wine. Fun fact: Wine doesn’t taste at all like grape juice. Somewhere around the bottom of my wine glass, I felt warm, fuzzy, and dizzy.

Then I locked eyes with a cute brunette across the bar. She smiled at me and gave me a shy wave. It couldn’t be this easy, could it? Were there that many achingly lonely people on this planet?

I ordered one more shot of whiskey, downed it, and headed over to the brunette. She seemed to be drinking alone tonight, too.

“Hey, I’m Brigham,” I said, intentionally rejecting Thea’s use of my middle name. But my given first name now felt wrong on my lips. “Mind if I join you?”

The woman shyly smiled and tilted her head. “Anna. I would love some company.”

We ordered a few more drinks and had one of the most shallow, boring conversations of my life. I didn’t mention my new journey of self-discovery or that I’d never consumed this much alcohol before. We didn’t discuss our families, life views, or anything remotely personal. I was dull, but she laughed like she sat beside the world’s funniest comedian.

Anna even placed her hand on my thigh and gave me a seductive look after I told her I was an accounting professor. Really? Maybe she’d once had a crush on a college professor because there was nothing hot about my job.

Anna batted her eyelashes at me and bit her lip. “You’re cute,” she giggled, hand still on my leg.

---