Page 48 of Yes, Love

“It was only twice.”

“Once is too many times, love.” She slid her hand from my mine and crossed the room to gaze out the window at the back garden. “I wasn’t in my right mind for most of your childhood, and it breaks my heart that you had to be so strong on your own. It’s made a fierce protector out of you,” Mum turned to smile at me, “But with you taking care of everyone else, who takes care of you? That’s what I fret about these days.”

“I don’t need anyone to take care of me.” But then Ava’s real laugh filled my head. Ava’s fingers running softly through my hair when I showed up at her door completely hammered. Ava’s arms around me, her body a perfect fit. Ava making me tea. Ava whispering soothing words into the dark as I described my demons. Ava’s plan to help Lucy when rage had me blinded and lost. I used to think her selfish and difficult, but Ava Mills was deep and warm, and she understood pain. She was my perfect match.

My mum watched me with a curious expression. “What is it, love? You look pensive.”

I laughed. “It’s nothing.”

Mum put her hands on her hips. “Don’t give me that rubbish. You’re thinking of a woman, aren’t you? One that knows how to take care of you?”

I sighed, rolled my eyes, and then eventually nodded.

“Is it that pretty blonde American you’ve been snogging all over the internet?”

This time I groaned and rested my head on the table. “Mum, I’ve told you not to watch Wild Love or follow any of my social media accounts.”

She chuckled and took her seat at the table again. “Oh, you’ve got nothing to hide from me, and you’ve done nothing to be ashamed of. Come on, is it Ava?”

I lifted my head and gave her a pained look. “She told me to go.”

“Did she now?” My mum smiled and patted my hand. “Well, you were never any good at listening when someone told you to go and stay away.”

***

That night, I lied in bed and scrolled through the photos on my phone. They were full of Ava. I scrolled past all the ones that lacked any character — the ones where we could have been any faceless, flawless people— and paused on one I’d snapped of Ava a few weeks ago. Her nose was wrinkled as she laughed, and her smile was crooked and beautiful. Ava’s golden blonde hair was messy and perfect and very much in need of my hands buried in it.

Before I could talk myself out of it, I sent her the photo with a quick message: My fav pic of you.

I waited for a response, continuing to scroll through my photos. I found the one I’d taken on our first date of Ava rain-soaked and angry. Adorable.

After nearly twenty minutes, my phone finally buzzed. Don’t be a dick.

I grinned at my phone and decided to call her. When Ava answered, the sound of her voice made my heart race. I really was a stupid sap, wasn’t I?

“Hi. I guess you and Lucy made it safely?”

“We did. I’m —” I was about to tell her I’d gone to visit my mum. Then I wanted to say that I couldn’t stop thinking about her, but she cut me off. That was a nasty habit of hers — cutting people off to stop them from saying anything she was afraid to hear.

“Good! That’s great! How is she?” Ava’s voice sounded a bit shaky like she was trying not to cry. I wanted to ask her what was wrong. I wanted to wrap my arms around her.

“She’s not herself. It’ll take some time, but she’ll figure it out.”

Ava let out a deep breath. “Right. Of course. Well, I have to go, but give her my best.”

And then she was gone before I could ask what she’d do if I showed up on her doorstep. Would she have me or push me away? Was I willing to find out?

Twenty Five

Ava

Ding. Ding.

Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding.

“Fuck! Shut up!” I dug my phone from my bag and powered it off. It was Jeanie. An entire week later, she was still trying to get me to hire her back. “Ava, what are you thinking? This is career suicide!”

No. Suicide felt dark and hopeless. This felt like freedom.

---