Page 75 of Interference

In fact, was I just attracted to him because he was so unlike Simon?

And… God. Was that how far gone things were with Simon? Had he really become so repulsive to me that someone could turn my head just by being different from him? Fuck. That was a heavy thought.

I didn’t think it was the whole story, either. There was a spark of attraction toward Wyatt that had nothing to do with Simon. I just wasn’t in any headspace to look too closely at that spark, never mind fan it and see what it could become.

Especially not when I suddenly had this ball of grief and regret roiling in my chest. I hadn’t felt as much as I’d expected to when Simon had dumped me, and I still didn’t feel all the things I thought I should.

I did have some feelings, though, and right now, they all hurt. The worst part was realizing I missed Simon, but I didn’t want him back. Today, I’d been split between wanting to cry over how far removed we were from when we’d still been in love, and wanting to tear into him for being such an insufferable asshole. There was no going back to what we’d been in the beginning, and that beginning was what I was missing. The love. The warmth. Cuddling in bed until we absolutely had to get up and head to practice. Walking into events with his hand in my elbow or mine in his, both of us smiling and proud. Skating and scrimmaging together on those early off-season mornings so we’d both be in peak condition at training camp.

I missed all of that. I missed it so bad it physically hurt.

But the man I’d shared all those things with was gone. He’d been gone since long before he’d moved out of this house, and he wasn’t coming back. I’d spent two of the best years of my life with him and one of the worst, and that third one didn’t make the first two any easier to let go.

What happened to us, Simon?

I’d asked that a million times today, and I still didn’t have an answer.

Some movement beside me pulled me out of my thoughts. One of the cats chirped. The mattress dipped beside me, and then a soft paw tapped my arm. Despite how close I was to breaking apart, I managed a little smile as I reached out in the darkness. When I petted him, he arched his back and purred low and loud.

Moose. Definitely Moose.

“Hey, buddy,” I murmured.

He bumped his big head against my face, and I managed a soft laugh as I sputtered around his fluff. He walked in some circles, then pawed at my arm again. I got the message and turned onto my side, facing him. He immediately dropped onto the mattress against my chest, his head under my chin.

I didn’t know if he understood that I was upset—if he sensed something in me the way Lily sensed them in Wyatt—or if he just wanted cuddles right then. Either way, the affection of my normally aloof cat hit me in the feels. I had to work to swallow past the lump in my throat as I squeezed my eyes shut and petted his soft fluff. He kneaded on my arm and the pillow, and little by little, his deep, steady purring shook my foundation loose.

In the giant bed I’d once shared with Simon, holding on to Moose like a big teddy bear, I finally let the dam break.

I finally let myself grieve what Simon and I would never be again.

Chapter 20

Wyatt

I couldn’t remember if Anthony had practice today or not, so I just made sure I was up early enough to make breakfast either way. That had become somewhat of a routine since I’d started staying here; it wasn’t much, but it was something I could actually do for him that he seemed to enjoy. He’d even picked up more cumin the other day since I was going through it quickly thanks to the way I made eggs. There was nothing I could ever do to make up for him letting me stay here, but he always seemed happy after he’d eaten my cooking.

Well, right up until Simon showed up, but maybe we’d get lucky this morning and he’d… I don’t know, get a flat tire or some shit. I didn’t want to wish actual bad things on him, but was a hangover or an urgent need for Pepto Bismol too much to ask?

Just give Anthony a break today. Jesus Christ.

The eggs were almost ready when Anthony came shuffling into the kitchen. He looked like he’d had a rough night, too. I didn’t ask. I probably didn’t look much better. In fact, I knew I didn’t. My warzone demons had come to visit last night, and even with Lily’s quick intervention, nightmares still took a lot out of me. I hadn’t been at all surprised to see dark circles in my bloodshot eyes in the bathroom mirror.

“Morning.” I took a couple of plates down from the cabinet. “Do you have to be at practice?”

Anthony shook his head. “Thank God, no.” He made a beeline for the coffeemaker. “Morning skate and a game tomorrow, but Coach had mercy on us today.” He glanced at the pan and grinned. “I won’t say no to those eggs, though.”

“Figured you wouldn’t.”

We set up our breakfast on the kitchen island and took our seats in the barstools. As we started eating, I asked, “So what exactly do you do on a day off?”

“As little as possible,” he said around a bite of bacon. Then he twisted around to look out the window. “I was thinking I’d take the cats out for a walk.”

“Yeah?”

He nodded and bit off some more bacon. “I’ve been busy as hell and the weather has been shitty, but it’s supposed to be nice today. I might as well take advantage of it and get them some fresh air.” He met my gaze, his expression a little… shy? “Do you want to come out with us?”

“Oh. Uh. Sure! Yeah, that sounds fun!” I gestured at the cats, who were currently lounging on their perch by the window. “Can you handle both of them at the same time? Because I don’t know if I can wrangle Lily and a cat.”

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