Page 125 of Interference

Lily pawed at me.

“I’m okay, baby.” I wondered if she was any more convinced than I was. Not likely, given the way she was leaning against me. Sighing, I patted her neck. “I just need a few minutes. I’ll be fine.”

I hoped that much was true. I wouldn’t be fine tonight. Eventually, maybe? For right now, I could just pull myself together enough to make it through the visit. Even if it was only enough to get me back to the hotel where I’d be sleeping next to Anthony.

I winced. Aww, fuck. Stress always made my nightmares worse. That meant tonight was going to be awful. Not just for me—for Anthony. As sweet and gentle as he was on the nights I woke us both up, it had to suck for him.

I rubbed my eyes and exhaled into the night. I’d be okay. Just needed to compose myself and remember that I was here with my family. Who loved me. Everything else could wait until I was ready to deal with it. Mom managed to do that, so I could too, right? I just needed to figure out how to—

The sliding glass door opened behind me.

I swore under my breath as I swiped at my eyes and tried to pull myself together. The last thing in the world I wanted was for my family to see me like this.

“Hey.” Anthony’s voice.

Fuck. Okay, the last thing in the world I wanted was my boyfriend to see me like this. Hadn’t he seen me falling apart enough?

But he came closer and wrapped his arms around me from behind. “You okay?”

I wanted so, so damn badly to insist that I was. He’d come out of nowhere into my life and been such a rock for me, and I was determined not to take advantage of that.

But damn it, I couldn’t be a rock right now. I just couldn’t.

“Come here,” he whispered, and gently turned me around in his arms.

Pride and years of “be a man, soldier” wanted me to resist, but they were no match for how much I needed what his gentle embrace offered. I buried my face in his neck and held on to him. I was a little surprised I didn’t break down; I knew to my core that Anthony wouldn’t give me shit for it, and even my pride couldn’t hold emotions back this time.

But as we stood there in silence, Anthony stroking my hair as I leaned into him, I just… breathed. The dam broke in a way, but it was like it had been eroding and crumbling for so long, the release didn’t come in the form of a violent flood. Just a sting in my eyes and a heavy exhalation against his shoulder.

After a long, long time, he broke the silence. “I know it’s hard. But I’m glad you got to see your parents this Christmas.”

“Me too.” I drew back, letting my gaze drift toward my family on the other side of the glass slider. “I don’t think I was as ready as I thought I was.” My own words pressed my shoulders down harder. “I don’t think there’s anything that can prepare you for your parents dying. Especially not dying this slowly.” I shakily wiped my eyes. “I just never thought it would happen while I was so… helpless. I can’t do anything for them. I can’t help them. I can’t even come down here and give my mom a break, you know?”

“I’m sorry,” he murmured, rubbing my back gently.

“Don’t get me wrong, okay?” I wiped a few more tears off my cheeks. “I’m really glad we came. This is—it’s probably Dad’s last Christmas, you know? I’m glad I didn’t miss it.”

“But it’s still hard.” He drew me in a little closer. “And it’s okay if it’s hard.”

I released a breath. “I know. It’s still…” Then I sighed. “God, I’m sorry. You didn’t sign up for—”

“I signed up for being there for you,” he whispered. “That’s what boyfriends do.”

“I know. But… I mean, you’ve done so much for me…” I ran my fingers through his hair. “This all feels so… one-sided.”

“It isn’t.” Anthony took my hand and pressed a kiss to the middle of my palm. “It doesn’t have to be quid pro quo.”

“But it should be give and take. And all I’ve done is take.”

He was already shaking his head. “No. You haven’t.”

I stared at him. “You took me in off the street. You outfitted me to hell and back so I could go back out there, and then you kept me in your house anyway. And you…” I gestured at my parents’ house.

The soft smile made me weak. “And I enjoy being with you. It might not sound like a lot, but just being there—being my friend, and now this—I can’t tell you how much I’ve been needing that.” He tipped up my chin and kissed me gently. “You think you owe me or that you’re not pulling your weight, but the way I see it, you’re giving as good as you’re getting.”

“How can I be?” I whispered.

His eyes unfocused for a moment as if he were getting his thoughts in order. Then he looked at me again. “Right now, you’re going through a lot of shit. You need more than I do. A year from now, things could be going smoothly for you, and I could be laid up from an injury or something.” He stroked his thumb along my jaw. “Then I might not be able to do much for you, but my gut tells me you’d be there for me.”

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