She doesn’t move, white lashes heavy with tears, cheeks and nose a ruddy pink.
I tuck back her hair, caress lingering on the curve of her ear. “What’s wrong? Are you going to be sick?” Did I scare her?
Her eyes remain shadowed, expression flat. “No,” she murmurs, pulling away. Out of my reach. “I don’t think I should unlock you. Not until I’m sure you won’t harm yourself again.”
“Leni, I’m—” I cut off the fine fallback, replace it with, “better.”
“Better? Gods. Cross. Look at you. You look like Draven’s handiwork. Atlas is right. You’re killing yourself.“
My chest contracts with a sharp spasm. Emotion roughens my voice. “Atlas sold you out. He’s delusional. He’s out of line.”
“He was trying to keep you safe. Who could’ve known this would happen?” She gestures at the bed, at me, like I’m a body beaten past recognition.
I did. I knew this would happen. The pain.
From the moment I saw her leap fearlessly into the raging Baltic, I knew her leaving would eviscerate me.
“He hurt you and you’re defending him?” I don’t mean to growl.
“I punched him,” she says, gaze darting to me for my reaction, for me to recoil or gasp. Scold.
There’s blood in my smile. “That’s my girl.”
Her pupils dilate slightly, my lover of compliments. Too starved of them. She gets a disarming, rather pleased expression when she adds, “Twice.”
“Overachiever.”
A whisper of a curl on her sweet lips. “He had it coming,” she defends. “But I did it for me. For you, I’ll probably thank him.”
My hackles immediately rise. Over my dead body.
“Do you know,” she asks, seriously, “what I would give for someone to protect me? Even just once? Before I was born, my grandmother sold my hand, my virtue, to Kadmos. Killed herself rather than help me. My father pushed me to go. The ones blood bound to protect me didn’t. Wouldn’t.” Her chin wobbles, a glassy sheen overtakes her eyes. “Atlas made a difficult decision to protect you. At my expense, yes, but I understand why. He chose your health and safety, and now I have to. Not because I want to, but because you need me to.”
My sweet, fractured pyro. “Leni, I’m fine, I promise.”
“You’re a wreck!” she shouts, ticking off her proof with both hands. “You’ve lost more blood than a punctured body bag. You’re bruised, broken bones, open wounds, you’ve lost weight, your eyes.” She cuts herself off, tears streaking down her cheeks, drops to a whisper. “Your beautiful eyes are red and black. Your mouth …” Gentle fingers graze the center of my lips, spread warmth to the edges. “I wish you’d stop wrecking your mouth. You require protection more than anyone, because you don’t value yourself. You push too hard, take on too much.”
“I’ll heal. I’m immortal.” I clasp her fingers in my hand and press them back against my lips, roll my tongue against them. “I’ll heal,” I rasp. “The pain is gone. I won’t let anything more happen. I just can’t focus when you’re around, that’s all.”
“Then I should leave.”
“No!” I roar, heart crashing violently against my ribs. “Don’t. Please. Unchain me so I can beg.”
“This is not healthy, Cross. I am not good for you.”
She is. Gods, she is. She has no fucking idea how good.
“You are,” I voice. “I can’t concentrate when you’re here because I want to kiss you and I want to kill Draven and I … I want to hold an umbrella over you to the beach so you don’t burn and peel chocolate hearts for you, and ply you with food. And when you’re not here, it’s … impossible. I’m overrun with thoughts of where you are, if you’re hurt, what you’re doing, who you’re chasing. At least when I can see you, I can wrangle it. Somewhat rein in the scorching power you have over me.”
There. Laid out. Plain as Zeus is King of Gods. The misery of my new existence. Without her, it’s pain, and with her, it’s teetering on the edge of it.
There’s a slight pause, filled with just her breathing and her glare.
“Draven will come after you,” she finally says. “That’s why I picked you, Cross. Because I thought you might be the only male alive capable of surviving the crown’s wrath. Because he’ll kill whoever touches me. He’s not logical, he’s unhinged. He’ll view you as an enemy. He’ll hunt you.”
Her words stun me into silence. She chose me to be her first because I’m nobody. Draven said so himself, spat it at me. The nobody I yearned to be in London, the nobody I’ve loathed for centuries, is exactly who she needs.
Fuck the Fates and their cruel tapestry. “He can try, Leni.”