Page 83 of Rock On

“I know. That’s why I needed us to go slow this time. It was never about how wild we could get or how many limits we could push. It was always just about us. You and me. Harley and Tommy. I never cared about anything else. You and my band were all I ever needed.”

“I was the one who wanted babies,” I said after a moment. “You didn’t care one way or the other.”

He hesitated. “Almost everyone in my family dies young. Part of me thought maybe it was better not to have them, but you wanted it, so I wanted to give it to you. When I couldn’t, I guess I thought I had to compensate some other way. And it wasn’t the healthiest coping mechanism.”

“And now?”

“Now we’re going to find new ways to cope when things go sideways.”

“Does this mean we’re back together?”

“I hope so.” He was still holding me tightly. “Baby, if you say you love me and want to be with me again, I am never letting you go.”

“We have so many things to talk about.”

“River.”

I nodded. “I know you say you don’t resent him, and maybe you don’t, but if you come into his life now… you’re going to be the only father he knows. You’re not going to be Uncle Tommy. At some point, you’re going to become Daddy. You have to want it. And be prepared to take on that role.”

He was thoughtful for a bit. “I can’t imagine a scenario where I’m not up to the task. I’ve only met him a couple of times, but the idea of becoming his dad doesn’t scare me like I thought it would.”

“Are you sure? Because raising a toddler isn’t for the faint of heart. He’s smart and happy and generally awesome, but when he’s in a mood, look out.”

“How is that any different than dealing with you?” He deadpanned.

“Very funny.” I playfully smacked his arm.

“Seriously, babe—you don’t have to convince me. I’m all the way in. I already told you that.”

I rested my head on his shoulder, noting that he was hard again. “Yes. Yes, you are.”

He chuckled. “You’ve always had this effect on me. Two minutes and I’m ready to go again.”

“So, is this sweet, gentle style of lovemaking what we’re doing going forward?” I asked curiously.

“Sometimes.” He reached between us and tweaked my nipple. “But don’t worry, there’ll be plenty of the other stuff too. I just wanted to show you it wasn’t the sex that made us work—it’s the fact that it’s us. You and me, baby, we’re good together.”

“I know that. I’ve always known somewhere deep down. I just didn’t want to accept it because I thought I’d lost you.”

“Never.” He grabbed my hand and brought it to his lips, kissing the inside of my wrist. “We hit a really rough patch, for sure, but I see a light at the end of the tunnel. Do you?”

“I do.”

“Good. Because the minute you’re ready, I want to marry you again. In fact, once we’re on the European leg of the tour, what do you think about doing it in Paris?”

“We’re barely back together and you’re talking about getting married?” I laughed. “I thought we were going to stop all the extremes and try being a little more mellow?”

“We’re going to scale back the sexual extremes, because I don’t want me hurting you to be the only way you can get off. But extremes are part of who we are. That’s why we work. We each have our own boundaries that keep the other in check.”

“Can we be extreme and be good parents?” I countered quietly.

“I think we can. Just like we can make love without all the crazy and still enjoy the hell out of it.”

“Why does everything seem so easy now when it was impossible three years ago?” I asked.

“Because we fucked up. And we’re not going to do that again.”

“God, I hope not. I couldn’t stand losing you again.”

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