Page 41 of Rock On

My head fell and my chin hit my chest.

I was such a fucking asshole.

Because she was right.

From the moment I’d found out we couldn’t have kids—biological ones anyway—I’d made some kind of subconscious decision to live my life to the fullest. Nothing was off-limits as long as it didn’t harm anyone else, but I’d been thinking in terms of physical harm, like drinking and driving or jumping off the balcony of the tenth floor into a swimming pool. I’d never given a second thought to anyone’s feelings. Not even those of the two people I’d loved most in the world.

And because of it, I’d lost them both.

I got to my feet, ignoring the pain in my knee, and practically ran for the door.

“Tommy!” Allisha called after me, but I held up a hand without looking back.

“I can’t talk right now,” I said, my voice sounding shakier than I’d thought it would. “I can’t.”

SIXTEEN

Harley

Watching the play of emotions on Tommy’s face broke my heart all over again.

I’d thought leaving him was hard; watching him come to terms with the truth was a million times harder.

I’d gotten the only thing he couldn’t give me from his best friend, and it killed me to see the pain on his face.

This was what I’d been trying to avoid, because no matter how much it hurt me to be without him, the only person I loved more than Tommy was River. So when I’d had to choose between my own happiness and protecting Tommy from the truth, I’d chosen to protect him.

“Should we go after him?” I turned to Allisha helplessly.

“I think he needs a minute to calm down,” she replied. “Are you okay?”

“This was what I wanted to avoid. I knew it would hurt him to find out I had a kid with Carter, but that was unavoidable once he died. But finding out it was a direct result of that threesome…”

“Did he force you to do it?” she asked, frowning.

“No. I mean, not physically. There was no conversation. It was just… expected, I guess. I could never turn him down. I think I was afraid if I said no, he’d love me less, or leave me or something. It wasn’t that articulate in my mind, but I never had any desire to sleep with another man. In the heat of the moment, when Carter came in… I guess I didn’t feel like I could say no.”

“You were emotionally manipulated, even if no one said words to that effect.”

“I guess so.” I sighed, glancing in the direction Tommy had gone. “Is this better, Allisha? Was this the goal? For everyone to be hurt and angry and confused all over again?”

“This is how you get past the pain and hurt and anger. The truth really does set you free. It’s just that the road to freedom is often filled with painful roadblocks.”

“Ugh.” I sank into the nearest chair. “I feel like I should go after him.”

“Give him a minute to digest. You and I can continue on our own. If he comes back, great. If not, I’ll go find him later.”

“I never wanted him to find out,” I said softly.

“Why?” she asked. “You had a child. With Carter. At some point, Carter was going to be at a baseball game or his high school graduation… there would be pictures. Social media. Something. Sometime, somehow, Tommy was going to find out.”

“I don’t know. I guess I was hoping he would have moved on by then.”

“He would still be unable to father children, and you still had his best friend’s baby.”

“I was in denial.”

“I think that was Carter’s final gift to you.”

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