Page 11 of Rock On

“Nope.”

“You want to wait so I can put on a shirt and give you your jacket back?” she asked.

“You can give it to Presley and she’ll get it to me.” Presley was Zeke’s wife, and they were friendly.

She might have been saying something, but I snapped the helmet on and gunned the engine.

Then I took off down the street without looking back.

FOUR

Harley

I slept in the following morning. My sister Wynter often spent time with River in the morning on her days off, so I knew my son was being cared for. That was the main reason I’d gone to the cemetery at midnight last night, knowing I’d be able to sleep this morning.

I hadn’t planned on running into Tommy.

I definitely hadn’t planned to do what we’d done.

A prickle of shame washed over me.

Not because of the sex—we’d both wanted it and we’d always liked it rough—but because of the emotional aftermath. Any time I let Tommy touch me, I wound up under a spell. That had been our M.O. since the first time we’d met, and based on how overwhelmed I was this morning, nothing had changed.

What had come over me last night?

I’d always loved him, that wasn’t anything new, and our sex life had always been explosive, but what had sent us down that road after all this time? Was it because he knew how vulnerable I was? Had there been some subconscious need to hurt me in the only way he could?

Had last night been a hate fuck?

Did he hate me?

I’d made the choices I made to protect him from the truth, but that had turned out to be an error in judgement. Carter and I had realized that early on, but I’d refused to let him fall on his sword for me. It was bad enough that he’d been in love with me; he didn’t need to ruin his friendship with Tommy too.

The plan had always been to eventually tell Tommy the truth.

We’d just never found the right time.

And then Carter committed suicide.

Leaving me carrying the bag.

I got out of bed and went into the bathroom, trying not to overthink things.

I tended to do that a lot.

I’d been suffering from anxiety and depression since the divorce, but I pushed through for River’s sake. Every once in a while, life became too much for me, and before his death, Carter had been there to help snap me out of it. After his suicide, Wynter had moved in. It would help her save money while simultaneously being around to give me a hand, despite her busy job as an emergency room nurse.

Staring at my reflection in the mirror, it looked like I’d aged in the last year. The dark circles beneath my eyes never went away, my cheeks had hollowed out, and I’d lost weight. Too much weight. I’d always been slender, but now I was bony. My ribcage was visible when I was naked, and my curves had all but disappeared.

The emotional trauma of the last few years had taken a physical toll and I didn’t like what I saw.

I had to be healthy to take care of my son, but all I felt when it came to food was apathy.

My eyes were still as blue as ever but instead of sparkling like they used to, now they were as dull and lifeless as the rest of me. The hickey on my neck was almost garish against my pale skin and I quickly pulled out a tube of concealer. It was early fall, and still too warm for a scarf or turtleneck, so I’d have to do it the old-fashioned way. I was having company this morning, and Presley would know what it was the moment she saw me, but it felt like I had to at least try to hide the evidence of last night’s fuckery.

One of the bright spots in my life since Carter’s death was my new friendship with Presley Zerkesian. She was married to Onyx Knight’s lead guitarist, Zeke, and they had a toddler together. As soon as Carter had died and word got out that he and I had a son, Zeke, King, and Kellan had all reached out. They wanted to know him, make sure we had everything we needed, and be there for us. It hurt that I never heard from Tommy, but I understood it. Everything I’d done had been to protect him from this pain, but fate had other plans.

The upside was that my renewed relationships with the guys brought Z’s pretty young wife into my life, and we hit it off. Their little boy, Jeremy, had been the result of a one-night stand, but they’d fallen in love and I enjoyed seeing them together. I’d known Z and the rest of the band almost as long as I’d known Tommy and considered them my friends in spite of the divorce. I was glad they’d all found women that made them happy, and my friendship with Presley was a bonus.

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