Page 32 of Rock On

I stared at her in confusion.

“What do you mean?”

“If you did it because you still love her, even though you kind of hate her too, is there any chance that she feels the same way?”

“I… no. I mean, she left me. Why would she have left if she still loved me?”

“Maybe back then she thought she didn’t and now she realizes she made a mistake.”

That made more sense than anything else I could think of, but it also pissed me off.

“Well, fuck,” I said in irritation. “I don’t know if that makes it better or worse.”

“There is no better or worse. There’s only the reality of how you feel.”

“I’m feeling a lot of different ways right now, Doc.”

She nodded. “And that’s what we’re going to try to figure out.”

TWELVE

Harley

It took less than a week for me to come up with coverage for River, and by Saturday, I was on the road to Santa Barbara. I’d booked myself for a month, and Wynter would bring River for visits on her days off. It was a long time to be away from my baby, and I’d almost gotten cold feet this morning, but Wynter had talked me off the ledge and now I was pulling into the parking lot.

This place was incredible, and I took a moment to stare at the massive group of buildings that had an old-time castle feel. It overlooked the beach and I’d made sure to book a room with a balcony where I could sit and think, read, maybe enjoy some sunshine. It had been far too long since I’d taken time like that for myself, and while I loved spending time with River, I’d begun to understand that I also needed time to recharge and recuperate once in a while.

Usually, I only had Lorna help out when I had errands to run or doctor’s appointments, so the thought of not having to do anything but read a book or paint my nails suddenly sounded heavenly.

I was well-aware that many women didn’t have that luxury, but I did, and it seemed silly to waste the opportunity to be a better version of myself. Wynter thought taking time for myself would make me a better mom, but I’d always taken that with a grain of salt. Now it seemed incredibly insightful.

“Ms. Pomeroy. Welcome.”

A smiling woman at the front desk greeted me by name, and I was momentarily taken aback. How had she recognized me?

“You’re our only new guest today,” she said, as if reading my mind.

“Oh.” I smiled. “I guess that makes sense.”

“This is Nurse Crane. She’ll show you to your room and give you a tentative schedule. Once you’ve met with your therapist, you’ll be able to customize it.”

“Thank you.” I turned as someone disappeared with my luggage and a middle-aged woman in scrubs held out her hand.

“Nice to meet you,” she said.

We walked toward the elevator as she gave me an overview of the grounds, promising a tour after I was settled, and generic schedule.

“Do you have any questions?” she asked once I’d gotten to my room.

“I don’t think so,” I said.

“Well, your appointment with Dr. Hirschel is in half an hour, so take a little time to familiarize yourself with your room and the welcome packet, and then you can go down to Office 70B. Once you have your initial meeting with her, the two of you decide on how much or how little you want to talk, and you can plan the rest of your schedule accordingly.”

“Thank you.” I smiled as she gave me a few more details, and then she was gone.

I walked out onto the balcony and stared out at the ocean.

It was beautiful and peaceful.

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