Page 72 of Surprised By Her

“You don’t have to be sorry. You can feel however you want with me and I won’t judge you. I can’t judge anyone when I’ve literally had a panic attack at the thought of going to a new grocery store.” So embarrassing.

I moved my hands up and down her back, trying to soothe her.

“I don’t know how my life got like this,” she eventually said, pulling back and gazing at me with reddened eyes. “I don’t even know what I’m doing anymore, Everly. And I hate it.”

“You’re in luck. I don’t know what I’m doing either.” I reached over to my nightstand and got a box of tissues. She took one from me and blew her nose.

“Do you ever feel like a complete failure?” she asked with a little laugh.

“All the fucking time,” I said. “For real. All the time.”

Ryan let out a sigh. “My life doesn’t look the way I thought it was going to, but I don’t know what it should look like.”

“Same,” I said. “I never thought I would still be living at home, working at a pottery studio. But at least I’m not trapped in an apartment and not talking to other humans and scared to go outside anymore. This is a step up.”

Ryan pressed her lips together and looked down at her hands.

“I’m sorry I’m such a mess. This isn’t the Ryan that I show anyone,” she said, rolling her shoulders back.

“I know,” I said. “You see the Everly I don’t show other people. Well, except my parents.”

“I hate this, Everly. I hate it,” she said. “I need to get my shit together.”

“Tomorrow. You can get your shit together tomorrow,” I said, reaching for her hands. “Today we’re going to go to the barbecue and eat good food and get some sun and not worry about it.”

She squeezed my hands. “So young, so wise.”

I rolled my eyes. “I’m not that young, Ryan.” She seemed to make a decision and got to her feet, pulling me with her.

“Come on, let’s go.”

We went back downstairs and I grabbed my bag.

“Oh, I have a question for you, Ryan,” Mama said. “I’m not sure if you have any way to check, but there was this candle that your company made and they discontinued it and I was just wondering—ouch!” She stopped speaking when Mom had obviously given her arm a little squeeze.

“You two have a good time,” Mom said with a pointed look at Mama.

I grabbed Ryan’s hand and started towing her out the door. “Love you, bye!”

“Oh, okay,” Mama said, heaving a heavy sigh. “Have fun! It’s called Fall Frolic, if you can check for me. I’ll pay!”

I shut the door and looked at Ryan. She was trying to hide a smile.

“How long has she been waiting to ask me about the candles?” she asked.

“She’s mentioned it a few times,” I said. “You don’t have to do anything. She’ll get over it.”

“No, I can check for her. She said Fall Frolic?” Ryan pulled out her phone and made a note and I couldn’t stop myself from yanking her head down to mine to kiss her.

“What was that for?” she asked.

“No reason,” I told her.

“This seems like a lot of cars,” I said as we reached Mark’s house.

“I think a lot more people invited themselves than they expected,” Ryan said as she parked her car.

“Great,” I said. “Fantastic.”

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