Page 97 of Unforgiven

She chuckled. “What I was actually thinking about was how different my life was last year at this time.”

Melonie nodded. “A lot sure has changed in a year.” She reached out and squeezed Seth’s arm. “A year ago, I barely spoke to you.”

“Or me,” Lott said. “And now you’re my fiancée, Mel.”

She giggled. “Sometimes I think my mother’s head is spinning.”

Turning to Seth, Lott added, “Years before that, I was so messed up, I actually told Bethanne that she shouldn’t be writing to you in prison. Even though the reason you were there was because you saved her.”

Tabitha tensed, half worried that Seth would be upset that Lott brought up his incarceration, but Seth shrugged it off.

“I’m glad you wrote me that note, Bethanne, though I still say you didn’t owe me anything. You never did.”

“And I still think differently,” Bethanne said.

“How about this? I’m glad to call myself your friend.”

“Me too,” Tabitha told her.

“Me three,” Melonie said with a smile.

“I’m glad too,” Bethanne whispered.

Remembering something Bethanne had mentioned last time they’d talked, Tabitha said, “Are you still thinking about moving?”

“I am.”

Lott grimaced but didn’t try to interrupt.

“Where are you going to go?” Melonie asked.

Bethanne shrugged. “I don’t know. I haven’t thought of any details yet. I’m feeling the need for a fresh start, though.”

“Is it because the memories here in Crittenden County are too difficult?” Seth asked.

“Oh no.” She paused, then seemed to find her voice. “It’s because no one seems able to look at me without remembering the worst day of my life. Or the fact that I’m more than that, you know? Everyone likes to see me as a victim. I don’t want to be a victim anymore.”

Tabitha knew exactly how that felt. “I can understand you feeling that way.”

But instead of accepting Tabitha’s words and moving on, Bethanne shook her head. “I appreciate your kindness, Tabitha, but I have some responsibility for what happened between me and Peter. I should never have walked off with him. If I had followed the rules, Peter would have never attacked me.”

Lott glowered. “Don’t put Peter’s actions on your shoulders, Bethanne.”

“Your brother’s right,” Tabitha said. “Bethanne, you need to forgive yourself.”

Bethanne stared at her intently. “Is that what you did?”

“I think so. But I think I finally heard God’s words one day at home. I was standing at my window, watching Seth chop wood and wondering why so many people couldn’t forgive me for divorcing Leon. But then God whispered that instead of wondering why other people weren’t forgiving me, I should be wondering why I hadn’t forgiven myself.” Remembering that moment like it was yesterday, she added, “It was pretty powerful.”

“But you didn’t do anything wrong,” Bethanne said. “What did you blame yourself for?”

“I made some hasty decisions. Getting married so fast. Trusting my parents’ judgment more than my own. And I stayed with Leon for longer than I should have.”

“What did you say to God?”

“I told Him all that . . . and then He quietly reminded me that He’s already forgiven me for my transgressions, so I should do the same.” Thinking about just how far she’d come, Tabitha added, “Bethanne, I don’t blame you for wanting a fresh start, but you might want to remember that the Lord has already offered you one.”

Her expression softened. “Maybe one day I’ll be able to accept that. I hope so.”

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