Page 34 of Unforgiven

“She might not know. She’s only guessing, right?”

“She believed in me when no one else did, Seth. I trust her instincts.”

“I hope one day you’ll trust mine too.” His voice gentled. “But I can’t help you if I don’t know what you need.”

Seth’s words were kind and his tone tender. If she was still a young girl and hadn’t watched so many of her dreams shatter, Tabitha might’ve even believed him. But she knew what the real world was like, and it wasn’t always rosy or fair.

Choosing her words with care, she said, “I’ve learned over time that hoping for things that are next to impossible doesn’t do me any good. I’ll be all right.” Or . . . she wouldn’t. All she could do was hope that Leon would have forgotten his vow or that he was so reluctant to get picked up again that he was going to honor the restraining order in place.

“Hey, you’re not alone,” he murmured.

“I know.” She meant it too. His words were kind. But what did they even mean? She and Seth were not close friends. They sure weren’t anything close to being a couple. She didn’t even know if he cared about her in a romantic way. It wasn’t like they had ever discussed their feelings for each other.

Seth didn’t seem relieved by her easy acceptance, however. “I mean it, Tabitha. I’m not going to take off and start pretending that everything is the same as it ever was when it’s not.”

“I know it isn’t.”

“Then you agree with me?” His expression eased, like he was delighted to have gotten his way.

“I don’t know what you’re expecting me to agree to.” Figuring she had nothing to lose, she studied his face. “Seth, I’m sorry, but I don’t understand why you even care.”

“Tabitha, come on.”

“I’m serious.” When he continued to look at her incredulously, she went on, pulling back on all her insecurities and shields. “There’s nothing between us. Nothing beyond the fact that I used to be your teacher.”

“You know there is more between us, Tabitha,” he said in a tone that finally settled her mind and caught her complete attention. “I couldn’t care less that you used to be my teacher. That has nothing to do with my offer.”

She wanted to believe him. She really did. But everything she was thinking about seemed so fanciful and outlandish. “You still aren’t telling me why.”

He looked like he had to think about that for a few seconds. Formulate a suitable reply. “Isn’t our friendship enough?”

“No. I refuse to believe that you go around offering to help women in need around Crittenden County in your spare time.”

“Good. Because I don’t.”

She raised an eyebrow. “Then . . .”

He groaned under his breath. “You’re going to make me say it, aren’t you?”

She didn’t know what he was withholding from her, but she nodded. “I’m sorry, Seth. I don’t want to make you mad at me, but I canna read your mind.”

“I care about you.” The four words were stark and seemed to be pulled from somewhere deep inside of him. Reluctantly.

Tabitha inhaled sharply.

“Nee. Don’t look nervous. Don’t look afraid of me. Or of what I want. I would never hurt you. I would never.”

“I know that. But, Seth, are you saying that—”

“Yes.” Even though she was near tears and he looked helpless and frustrated, there was something about the way he’d said it that made them both smile. “Tabitha Yoder, here’s what you’ve needed to hear but I never wanted to say. I’ve had a crush on you since I sat in that fool Amish school and you walked in the first day. I thought I’d never seen a prettier woman in my life. And then when you started talking, you were so sweet. Kind. Everyone in that school thought you were special.” His voice deepened. “But I used to think other things, even though I knew I shouldn’t. I thought you would be perfect for me even though I was your student and you were older than me.”

He looked down at his feet. “But then you married Leon and I fought with Peter Miller and ended up in prison. And now . . . now I know I’m nothing to you. I probably have no chance. But I wish I did. I want a chance with you. I’m willing to wait as long as you need me to. I’m willing to wait for weeks, months, years . . .” He held out a hand. “However long it takes for you to feel the same way. If there’s even a chance for you to feel the same way.”

He sucked in a breath. “But if there isn’t, if you know that you deserve someone better than me, I understand. I do. But I’m still determined to help you because you matter.” His eyes flashed hurt and conviction and something else she was afraid to identify. “Even if we go back to me dropping off food and chopping wood while you avoid me, the basic truth about you won’t change.”

“Basic truth?” She raised an eyebrow, showing him that she thought he was going a little bit over the top.

He didn’t take the bait, though. “Yeah, basic truth. If you need me to be even more clear, here it is: You. Matter. To. Me,” he continued, punching every word. “No matter what happens in our future, that will never change.”

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