Page 99 of Unforgiven

She shrugged. “About as good as anyone else’s, I reckon.”

Her brother frowned. “Really?”

As the women exited the stage in preparation for the judges’ final vote, Bethanne shifted in her seat to face him. “Lott, you know this is the first beauty pageant I’ve ever watched. I’m still trying to get my head wrapped around the fact that my English cousin is up onstage wearing makeup and high heels.”

“Me too, though Candace has always been a pretty thing.”

“That she has.” Bethanne smiled, though a part of her was feeling a pinch of melancholy. Many years ago, she, too, had found comfort in the gifts that the Lord had given her. Now she realized that it hadn’t served her well. But maybe that had more to do with her actions than her looks. No, most likely it had everything to do with her actions.

Hating the dark thoughts that threatened her happy mood, she shook her head.

“Hey, are you going to stay here for a little while?” Lott asked.

She crossed her legs. “Probably. Why?”

“No reason.”

“Lott.”

“Fine. Melonie is here and I wanted to walk with her a bit.”

“Go ahead. I’ll be fine.”

“You sure?” He scanned the crowd. “Mamm and Daed are around here somewhere. I thought they were going to sit with Candace’s parents, but I don’t know . . .”

“They’re around, but I don’t need anyone looking after me. I’m fine.” In spite of her best intentions, her smile trembled, betraying her emotions.

Her younger brother noticed. “Bethy.”

“Nee, it’s not you. It’s . . . I was thinking about something else. I’ll see you later.” She hated that her younger brother felt obligated to look after her. She also hated that until very recently she would’ve clung to him like a parasitic vine.

He didn’t move. “You know what? I can take Melonie out—”

“Now.” She finished. “Please, Lott. Don’t worry about me. I’m fine.” Noticing Melonie now stood a few yards away, Bethanne shooed him off. “Go on, now.”

“When do you want to meet?”

“Two hours?” They’d been at the fair most of the day already.

“Sounds good. I’ll meet you at the entrance.”

“Perfect. Go, now. I’m going to wait here for the winners to be announced.”

“Tell her congratulations for me.”

She laughed. “If she wins, I sure will.”

“She’ll win. I know it,” he called out over his shoulder.

Feeling like an odd combination of wallflower and doting aunt, she watched her brother rush to Melonie’s side and barely refrain from clasping her hand. Less than two minutes later they were out of sight.

Sitting back down on her chair, Bethanne placed her purse neatly on her lap. If it wouldn’t look so odd, she would pull out a book. That’s what she usually did whenever she had the chance.

But about six months ago she’d decided that she needed to change her life. She determined to stop worrying about the past and start thinking about what she wanted to do with the rest of her life. She was only twenty-three. It was past time that she got over Peter Miller’s death. And the fact that he’d attempted to rape her and would have if Seth Zimmerman hadn’t heard her cries and come to her rescue. Why the Lord had then allowed Seth to hit Peter hard enough for him to fall, hit his head, and die was a mystery. But still it had happened, and she’d survived. Seth had too, even though he’d been sent to prison for a time.

“If Seth Zimmerman can move forward, you certainly can too,” she whispered to herself. “You have to.” Which meant that she needed to stop dwelling on such dark memories. Hadn’t her counselor told her more than once that she needed to make peace with her memories instead of trying to forget them?

“Hey,” Jay Byler said as he sat down. Right next to her.

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