Page 26 of Unforgiven

“Because it don’t concern you.” He climbed the rest of the steps. Gazed at their haus’s shiny black front door. It beckoned him like a portal in a novel. If he could get through, he would be able to relax. But then the setting sun hit her reflection on the window just to the side of the door. It caught it just right, and he saw her flinch.

“I see,” she said.

But that kind of wasn’t true. She didn’t see a thing. All she was seeing was him acting awful. Their parents would have his hide, but worse than that, he was ashamed of himself.

“I’m sorry,” he said as he turned back around. “I shouldn’t have spoken to you like that.”

“Why? Because I’m so messed up?”

Lott was pretty sure he was gaping at her. “I didn’t say that, Bethy.”

Instead of looking even more flustered or retreating back into the pages of her novel, she continued to gaze at him pointedly. “Were you thinking it, though?”

“Nee.” With longing, Lott glanced at the front door once again. Now he felt guilty, exhausted, and angry. It wasn’t a good combination. Honestly, his mood was so sour, he wondered if it would be better if he kept walking across the porch, opened the door, and went inside. All without speaking to his sister the rest of the evening. If he avoided her, things would be better.

But what would happen then? Would she tell their parents? And if she did, how much trouble would he get in? Or would she keep her silence, ironically making things worse? How guilty would he feel then?

“Lott, I know I’m putting you on the spot, but please don’t go.” Bethanne rubbed her temples like she was fighting off a headache. When she looked at him again, her expression was pained but intent. “Look at me, barely giving you a choice. Now I’m the one who needs to apologize. I’m sorry for making you uncomfortable, but I’m trying to speak my mind more. But sometimes the things I think are so dark, they don’t come out of my mouth in a good way.”

“The same thing happens to me sometimes,” he said.

“Really?” Hope shone in her eyes.

“Yeah.”

“I’m kind of glad I’m not the only one.” Her eyes widened as she covered her mouth with one hand. “Boy, I don’t think I’m supposed to admit that.”

He stepped closer. “Who says you’re not? Is that what the counselor says?” She still visited with a counselor once a month.

“Nee. I guess I learned that from Mamm and Daed.” She lowered her voice. “Or maybe not.”

“If you learned to keep your mouth shut from them, I did too. We’ve been brought up to work hard and not complain.”

She swallowed. “I suppose so.” Looking at the empty chair next to her, she said, “Would you please sit here with me for another couple of minutes? I know you’re anxious to go inside, but I’ve been waiting for you.”

“Of course I’ll stay.” Everything she was saying took him by surprise. It was freaking him out. She might be his older sister, but he felt like the stronger one. After taking the seat, he leaned forward. “Bethanne, what’s wrong? Tell me the whole truth.”

“All right.” She took a bracing breath, then blurted, “I need to find a way to see Seth Zimmerman. You’re working with him at Porter Construction, right?”

“I’m working there. And Seth is too. But I’m just an apprentice and right now they’re giving me stupid jobs. I have to clean and sweep a lot.”

“Are you able to see Seth or not?”

“I see him from time to time, but we don’t talk all that much.”

“Why not? Is it because he’s too busy?”

“Jah. And because Porter, my boss, said that he didn’t hire me to bother everyone. Porter Construction is a really good company, you know. They’ve got lots of projects they’re working on, and each of those clients want things done well and completed as quickly as possible.”

“Could you maybe go in a couple of minutes early or stay a couple minutes late and ask if I could see him?”

She made everything sound so easy. “Where are you planning to have this meeting? Mamm and Daed might want to know about this—they’ll notice if he shows up at the haus.”

“I don’t want them getting in the middle of it. I thought I would go to his haus.”

She couldn’t be—“You can’t do that.”

She scowled. “You don’t really think he’s dangerous, do you?”

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