Page 72 of RAKEish

“I’ve been offered a position at Harvard.” The slight tilt to his chin told her just how excited he was about the opportunity. And why shouldn’t he be?

“Wow,” she said, a tiny bit of envy causing her voice to pitch high. “That’s incredible.”

“I agree,” he said in what she’d come to think of as his trademark lack of humility. That was something he had in common with the rakes of Manhattan.

“Why would you be afraid to tell me that?”

“In my discussions with the committee,” John said. “Your name came up as my probable future fiancée.”

“Oh.” They were back to that again. Damn.

“They’re quite keen on having me join their faculty and are willing to create a position for you as well.” John continued to watch her closely. “It’s a rare chance, Luxury. A dual appointment at Harvard.”

Harvard was the dream for many in their field, a pinnacle of academic success. Yet having the offer tangled with his mention of their probable future marriage tied a knot in her stomach.

Telling herself not to overreact, she paused and checked for any flickers of excitement at the idea of someday saying yes to him. Any glimmers that her heart understood the assignment. Fall in love with a safety-net guy.

There were none.

And that aside, the idea of securing a position at Harvard—as a sweetening of the pot for John to accept his offered position—left her feeling undervalued, her achievements reduced to mere leverage.

“Harvard is impressive,” Lux conceded, her voice steady despite the contradictory emotions she felt. “But I’m not comfortable making a career move just to be part of someone else’s negotiation.”

John’s eyebrows rose slightly at her response, a mixture of surprise and admiration flickering in his eyes. “That, my dear Luxury, is why I was nervous to bring up the topic. But no matter how you get your foot in the Ivy League door, it’s a strategic move. You’d be part of one of the most esteemed academic communities in the world. And it would certainly help put the whole Scott Landshire debacle behind you.”

Lux gave him a tight smile. Was her social media presence what had provoked him to apply at Harvard? A desire to remove the woman he wanted to marry away from the place where everyone knew her as Scott Landshire’s foe?

“Thank you for considering me, John, but I must decline,” Lux said, her words measured. “If I were in love with you, it would be different. I’d jump at your offer. But don’t let me stop you from taking the position. In fact, I insist you go.”

His lips tightened ever so slightly. “Without you?”

She nodded.

John shook his head. “I never stood a chance against him, did I?”

“There is no him. My saying no to you has nothing to do with Scott.”

John motioned for the check. “Then I guess this is it.”

“I’m sorry, but you deserve a woman who is as crazy about you as you are about them.” And she deserved a man who would fight harder than John had just done to get her to change her mind. Like Scott had. Only not Scott.

Two hours later, Lux, wearing pajamas and a clay mask on her face, sat in her apartment preparing for her final radio show. One she’d entitled: Hypnosis for the Broken-Hearted.

Unfortunately, her scattered thoughts made it impossible to compile her show notes.

Not that she was surprised. It was hard to concentrate when show note number one had the words written on it: Admit you fell in love with the Rake of Manhattan. Note two: Go public with how the Mr. Insta-Love relationship had gone. Note three: Moving forward.

What would moving forward look like?

Her gut told her to try hypnosis, thus the title. Only her heart rebelled at the idea of being stripped of its memory of loving Scott.

It didn’t help that her thoughts kept drifting to the broadcast of Monday Musings she had done right after Scott had left. It had been a tumultuous episode, filled with raw emotions and candid revelations. She had publicly admitted she’d been wrong about Scott as a person, dispelling the misconceptions she had once fervently broadcast.

In that same episode, she had spoken of John—Frankie had insisted she do so. It had been a bittersweet situation to find herself in. While she appreciated having a wonderful man like John crazy for her, her time with Scott was a melody that refused to quietly fade into the night.

Lux’s fingers tapped a rhythmic beat on her desk. Monday's broadcast would be her opportunity to share her growth and her realizations one last time. It would be her moment to step out of the shadow of RAKEish and Naked Runway, to forge her own path, independent of the narratives others had woven around her.

Had she grown? Were there any startling new realizations for her to share? She was not the same woman who had started that show—she was someone stronger, wiser, and, for the first time in a very long time, ready to embrace her feminine side.

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