Page 61 of A Second Chance At Forever

13

Mason

It was D-Day, the day Nicole was going to take her pregnancy test. There was a pit in my stomach that wouldn’t go away.

All morning I was nauseous waiting for her call. I snapped at anyone that said my name, I couldn’t eat, and couldn’t think of anything but Lennox. I was wondering if it was over between us and if I would ever get to see her again.

Will she stay if Nicole is pregnant?

A part of me couldn’t bear to think of Lennox leaving again. Even if I couldn’t be with her, I still wanted to be able to see her and be near her.

I went straight to Nicole’s when I got off work. I pulled into her driveway and shut off the engine. I wiped my sweaty palms on my jeans and made my way to her door. I almost had to stop and vomit in her shrubs, but I pushed the thought away.

When Nicole answered the door, nothing was said, she just nodded her head.

Fuck. I’m going to be a father. I can’t be a father, not the kind this kid deserves. My dad was good at this father thing, I know I’m going to screw this up somehow.

I moved in to hug her. I wrapped my arms around her loosely.

“You’re not happy?” Nicole asked, pulling away to look up at my face.

“I don’t know what I am.” I shook my head while rubbing my brow.

“Take some time and think about it. I’m not her and I never will be. It’s her or us.” Nicole shut the door, leaving me standing on the doorstep.

It was time I accepted it. I couldn’t keep Lennox on the hook any longer, but I didn’t want to break the news to her. I went home, where I stayed the rest of the day. I didn’t talk to anyone, I didn’t eat or drink. I just sat out on my balcony and thought about the future I had.

The next day, I still wasn’t feeling myself. I sat at my desk and spaced out, not looking at anything, just praying that my life wasn’t going to turn out to be as shitty as I pictured it.

I knew I had to tell her. It wasn’t something that could wait and it couldn’t be said over the phone. I called and asked if I could come over. She knew what it was about and it killed me knowing I couldn’t touch her or comfort her in some way.

My stomach was in knots the whole way. Finally, I reached her apartment and Alissa let me in. I walked slowly to her room to find her pacing the floor in nothing but an oversized t-shirt and panties.

Does she have panties under that shirt? God, I can’t think about that right now. Let’s just assume that she does because if she doesn’t I won’t be able to get through this.

I brought my mind back to where it needed to be. I didn’t have to say anything. She knew just from looking at me. She always could see right through me.

When a tear ran down her cheek, I couldn’t think of anything but the pain I had caused her. I had to make it stop. I closed the distance between us.

I practically begged her to sleep with me. I knew it would only make things worse, but I couldn’t help it. I needed her, she needed me. She felt too good, soft and warm. I knew she wanted it as badly as I did.

So many emotions bubbled to the surface while we were together. Anger, hate, sadness, love, an uncontrollable need for her. I was consumed with her.

When it was over, it hit us both. We were done. Forever.

She began crying worse than when I came in and I couldn’t do anything about it. Nothing I could say would make it any better for either of us. I left and didn’t look back. I hated myself for hurting her.

I drove home instead of going back to work. I drank beer after beer until the sun was beginning to set. Finally, I knew what I had to do.

I had to call Nicole.

“Hello,” She answered, unsure of what I was going to say. She was nervous, I could hear it in her voice.

“I did it. I told her. It’s you and our child.” My voice wanted to crack but I wouldn’t let it.

“Are you sure?” she asked.

I took a long breath and forced the words from my mouth. “I’m sure.” A tear slid down my cheek and it pissed me off.

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