Page 96 of A Second Chance At Forever

Lennox and I stood across from her, the casket between us. Even standing that far away, I could smell the alcohol on her. She swayed back and forth with her eyes locked on the casket. She didn’t cry, she didn’t speak, she just swayed from side to side.

The preacher joined us and he started the eulogy.

I noticed when Lennox wiped away a tear, I reached out and took her hand in mine wanting to comfort her in some way and needing the comfort myself.

When the last prayer was said, Ashley’s mom stumbled back toward her car.

My eyes followed her. I watched as she got in the driver’s seat and start the car before pulling out a bottle and taking a long pull. She wiped her upper lip with her arm and placed the cap back on the bottle before driving away without a word. She didn’t thank the preacher or us for coming. She didn’t watch as her daughter was lowered into the ground. She didn’t shed one single tear.

That broke my heart more than anything. No wonder Ashely was the way she was. She was lost in a world of drugs and drinking, never knowing what it was like to be truly loved. In her own fucked up way, she loved me and for the life of me, I’ll never know why.

It felt like an elephant was sitting on my chest. My heart hurt for her and it was hard to breath.

“I’ll meet you at the car?” Lennox asked, releasing my hand.

I nodded silently.

I pulled a rose out of a vase and set it on top of her casket. I placed my palm against the smooth metal casket. “I’m so sorry things ended this way. I didn’t mean for you to get hurt. I just wanted to help you. Please forgive me.” A tear slid down my cheek and I wiped it away before making the walk to Lennox.

I satbehind the wheel staring off into space.

“It’s not your fault, you know.” Lennox’s voice drew me from my thoughts.

I nodded. “I know, but I helped to get her there.”

“Mason-” she started but I interrupted her.

“This is just something that I will have to get past. I know I didn’t kill her, but I had a hand in it and it is something I will never forgive myself for.”

Lennox nodded, understanding. “How about we stop by the bar and get a drink before we head home?”

“Sounds like a plan.” I started the car and drove toward town.

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