Page 67 of F*cking Shattered

I don’t want them to think I want anything other than love and understanding from them. I don’t want to be another person holding out their hand.

Over the years, Katie and George make the trip every year. Every year, I’m surprised by how much my little sister has grown.

We always try to do something fun and special. We go to baseball games, concerts, and plays. She’s one of these typical teenage girls that is obsessed with selfies, so she’s constantly trying to take my picture. I’m not big on pictures, so in every one, I find a way to hide my face. A giant foam finger covers my face in the picture from the baseball game, my hand covers my face at the play, and I hold a cup of beer over my face at the concert. After years of doing this, she’s finally figured out not to take my picture.

But each and every time they come to see me, Katie begs me to move out to California. I always promise her I will think about it, but never seriously do. I’m lucky if I have a buck in my pocket on most days, and that won’t get me across the country.

I don’t think about it seriously until years later, after my friend Dalton dies, leaving me all his money. I have more money than I’ve ever seen in my life. And with him gone, the advertising business doesn’t have the same appeal. I decide this part of my life is done. It’s time to move on.

I move to California and Katie is beyond excited. When I get all my belongings settled into my apartment, I call her up and set up a time to meet. We have a lot to catch up on. We’ve talked a lot over the years, but I still feel like I don’t really know her. I’m looking forward to spending many years becoming as close as a brother and sister can.

I’m sitting at an outside coffee shop when she runs up. “I’m so excited you’re finally here!” she screeches.

I stand and she pulls me in for a hug. “I am too. Where’s this best friend you wanted me to meet?”

She rolls her eyes. “She had to work. She’s responsible and won’t call in.”

I laugh as we take our seats across from one another. “So completely unlike you in every way possible.”

She points her finger at me. “Exactly.”

The waitress comes over and takes her order. When she walks away, I ask, “so what’s new?”

A wide smile covers her face. “I’m going to spend the summer in Miami,” she cheers.

“Are you serious? You finally got me here and now you’re leaving?” I’m just teasing with her. I love how free she is. Nothing holds her back.

“I’m sorry. I’ve been begging you to come for years. I didn’t know you’d actually go for it once I planned a trip.”

“Don’t worry about it, Kate. I’m just messing with you.” I take a sip of my coffee. “So is that best friend of yours going with you?”

She shakes her head. “No, but I’ve been trying to talk her into it. I’ve been coming up with ways I can trick her into going.” She offers up an evil grin.

I laugh and shake my head. “How can you trick someone into going to Miami?”

“I have my ways,” she says in a teasing voice.

I laugh and shake my head at her. I can see she has grown up a lot in the few years I’ve known her, but she’s also spoiled and gets everything she asks for, so I’m not surprised she thinks she can talk her friend into a trip she doesn’t want.

“So, what are your plans?” Katie asks as she sips her coffee she was just handed.

I shrug. “I don’t even know where to start. I’m finally settled in my apartment. I’m torn between finding a job or just spending some time to find myself, you know? I’ve only ever been in advertising. I never went to college. I don’t really know where to start.”

Her blue eyes grow wide while a smile slowly spreads across her face. “I have an idea.”

I’m feeling a little nervous now. “What kind of idea?” I ask, fear drenching my words.

“An idea for you to find yourself, to get out there and see where you end up.” She reaches into her purse and pulls out a tiny, red, spiraled notebook and a pen.

She opens the notebook and starts writing.

“What the hell are you doing?”

Without looking up at me, she says, “I’m making you a bucket list.”

I laugh. “A bucket list? Really? How is that supposed to help me discover myself?”

She looks up at me with some kind of knowing smile. “It’s worth a shot, right?”

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