Page 55 of F*cking Shattered

I know that was nothing more than a simple dream, my subconscious trying to give me something I desperately want, but it feels like more. It feels like she was actually here with me. I can still smell her perfume. I can still feel her arm around me.

More tears sting my eyes. She’s my best friend, and she’s gone. I don’t know if this spot inside of me will ever heal, or if I’ll ever learn to live without her.

* * *

River and I spend the rest of the day at the beach. We move our chairs closer together so we can hold hands while we soak up the sun and the heat. I sip on mixed drinks and his flask, trying to come to terms with how I will have to live my life from now on.

I try distracting myself with River and his sculpted body lying next to mine. I feel myself blush when he sees me checking him out.

“Stop that.”

“Stop what?” I ask, surprised.

“I’m out of commission for a few days. And the way you’re looking at me, I won’t be able to keep my hands to myself. No boners for a week.”

“A week?” I ask, my voice raising to an unnatural pitch.

He lets out a deep chuckle. “What’s the matter, princess? Can’t go that long without me?”

I turn my head and close my eyes to let the sun warm my face. “I guess I’ll just have to pick up the slack for you.”

He groans. “Don’t even say that. Just thinking about you touching yourself will give me a hard on.”

I smile, happy with torturing him.

When the sun starts to set, we pack up and go back to the car to head home for the day. River drives because I’ve drank all day. He didn’t drink a drop. I think it was his way of telling me to just relax for the day.

I keep his flask in my hand as we drive down the road. I uncap it and go to take a drink when the cap falls from my fingers, rolling under the seat. “Fuck.” I bend down and feel under the seat, but don’t feel it.

I pull my knees up and flip around with my head in the floorboard to look under the seat. I feel the car swerve and then hear police sirens.

I pop up quickly. “What’s going on?”

“Fuck! We’re being pulled over. You had to have your ass in the air, didn’t you?” He’s frowning while his eyes flash from the road to the rearview mirror.

“How did my ass get us pulled over?” My voice is high pitched and loud from being blamed for this.

“I can’t touch you, I had to look,” he says as he pulls the car to the shoulder of the road.

I want to laugh at his confession, but the seriousness of it all is muffling my amusement.

The cop taps on the window and River rolls his down.

“Do you know why I pulled you over?” he asks.

River doesn’t answer, just shrugs.

“You were speeding and driving erratically. I need your driver’s license and registration.”

“I don’t have it on me,” River answers.

I feel my mouth hang open. How do you not have your license on you?

“What’s your name and date of birth? I’ll look you up?”

River’s head leans back against the seat. “I’ll just save you some time, I don’t have a license.”

“How do you not have a license?” I yell, unable to hold it in. He’s been doing most of the fucking driving and he doesn’t have a license?

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