Page 30 of F*cking Shattered

He sits down beside me and hands me a wrapped sandwich. There’s an odd feeling that settles over me. Sitting here next to him in such an intimate setting, feeling like a normal couple, sets my skin on fire. Just yesterday I was trying to deny these feelings, and to be honest, I don’t even know what these feelings are. I’ve never been in love. I’d had feelings for Nick at one point in time, but as time went by, we drifted apart before we ever really got close.

Love doesn’t happen this fast, does it? I need to know someone to love them, get to know their dreams and wants, get to know their soul, right?

“What are you thinking so hard about?” His voice cuts right through the silence and my inner turmoil.

I shake my head with a mouth full of food.

He sets his sandwich down and dusts the crumbs off his hands. “Are you having doubts?”

My eyes cut to him. “Doubts about what? The trip?”

He shakes his head slowly, looking a little nervous.

I know what he means now, doubts about us. I place my sandwich on my lap. “You mean about us?”

He nods, placing his elbows on his knees and leaning over, hanging his head like he’s waiting for the ball to drop.

“River, I’m not doubting us because to me, there is no us to doubt. I don’t know what we have. I’m confused. I have these feelings for you that I shouldn’t have yet. I barely know you.”

He turns to me, placing his hands on either side of my face while his eyes bore into mine. “How does it feel when we touch? When I kiss you, you don’t pull away like you would with a complete stranger. There is an us. You just need to drop what society finds acceptable, because I belonged to you the moment your lips brushed against mine, when I didn’t know any more than your name.”

I not only hear his words, but I feel them too. They pool around me, seeping in through every crack in my shattered mindset. Having such strong feelings for this man so soon, may not be right by society’s standards, but it’s completely right for me. It’s not perfect and it doesn’t make any sense, but right now, he is exactly what I need.

I move my lips to his and plant a soft kiss against them. “You’re right. Katie always said I needed to loosen up. What we have, it may not make sense, but it does feel right.”

He moves to the floor on his knees, kneeling in front of me. His strong hands cup my face. “So let’s get on with this trip and forget about society for a while.” His lips land on mine firmly, full of assurance. He kisses me until I’m breathless and blinded by passion. When he pulls away and looks into my eyes with his ocean blue ones, my entire body erupts in tingles. I’m not ever going to get enough of him. He’s cocky and self-assured, but he also reassures me and challenges me. Something I need more of with Katie gone.

His lips are red and glistening from our kiss. They’re so warm and inviting. I want more, but I shake away the overwhelming need to be touched by him.

“Are you ready to pick up where we left off?”

I nod, still completely breathless from the kiss and the intense emotions that have been wreaking havoc on my fragile mind.

He stands and holds out his hand. I place mine in his and he pulls me up from the bed, my chest smashing against his as he holds me close.

His breath blows across my face as he says, “let’s go.”

* * *

An hour later, we’re back in the car, zooming down the interstate. I sit back letting the wind blow through my hair while River drives. The radio is up loud, blaring Ho Hey by The Lumineers, and I feel completely carefree as I sing along with the song.

Every now and then I catch him watching me from the corner of his eye before offering up a smirk. I poke his side as I sing the lyrics even louder. He laughs, making his blue eyes shine as he shakes his head at me.

I half way crawl into the backseat, riffling through his bag until I pull out the flask he’d produced on the day we met. He smacks me on the ass and I yelp. I take my seat next to him and show it to him. He waggles his eyebrows while his eyes rake over my body.

I feel my face flush under his stare, but I uncap the flask and take a long swallow. The familiar liquid burns my throat and warms a trail all the way down to my stomach.

He keeps looking at me, and I can’t stop looking at him. He causes these feelings inside of me I’ve never felt before. For the first time in a long time, in this moment, I’m happy. I know Katie is smiling down on me. This list is doing everything she hoped it would. I’m stepping out of the shadows little by little. I’m having fun, and trying new things. And it’s a fucking blast.

Chapter Eight

We drive for hours before we stop in another small town to grab some lunch. It’s so nice outside that I can’t bear to sit in a crowded restaurant. We run through a drive-through and find a nice, quiet park.

We sit at a picnic table while we eat. The sun is shining bright, warming my skin. A slight breeze blows, keeping me from getting too hot, and the soft rustling sound of the tree branches moving relaxes me. There is a small pond that has at least a dozen white ducks floating along the top. They look so cute. I’ve never been this close to ducks before. I’ve never really been close to any animal other than a dog or cat.

I see a squirrel run down a tree, and he runs across the grass to another tree. I grab a french fry and toss it out onto the ground between the trees, almost to the water.

The squirrel stops what he’s doing, looking around cautiously before he finally jumps down and rushes to the fry. He picks it up with his mouth and rushes back up the tree.

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